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Hello, and welcome to AskMissEmily.com. My name is Emily, and it is my passion to help people of all ages. I have designed this site for anyone who needs a rational solution to everyday problems.
Feel free to browse the questions, and my answers throughout this website. To read past letters, check out each category on the left side of this page. If you need advice, tell me your problem or ask any question using this form. Please include age and sex . . .and do check your e-mail address for accuracy.
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As of February, 2013, I have written over 18,000 letters of advice!
Latest Questions & Answers
Money Issues Cause Breakdown In Relationship
- Published Yesterday
- Relationships - Women
Sometimes Love Isn't Enough
- Published Yesterday
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
There is this guy who is actually my first, and we shared everything together. We spent 6 months, inseparable, in Germany, but now he's back to his hometown "Belgium". He has a girlfriend and he's still with her. But he makes sure we talk twice a week, and we talk for hours. Sometimes when he's out, he gets back at 4am and sends me a message. We both know we have feelings for each other, but we never really talked about it. But then I went to visit him, and he told me that he thinks he's falling for me. It's a bit impossible for us to be together, now, because in 6 months i will be back to my country. But I have feelings for him, I have never felt that way before with someone. I think I'm falling for him, as well. But does he really like me? What should I do? He also told me, "I love you" under the influence of alcohol. He always shows me he cares. He worries about me, as well. He is still with his girlfriend. What does that say ? HELP ME!!!
-----------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------
It's music to your ears when he says these things to you, but it gives you false hope. He's in a relationship with another woman. That can't possibly make you feel good at your core, and he's betraying her. He has a right to have a girlfriend in Belgium, but his duplicity is wrong, and selfish. I am sure he has some good qualities, but his profession of love is cold comfort to you if he remains with her, and there's no talk of future plans to be together. If you're going back to your country, permanently, no matter how painful it is, I think it's best to end it. Why grow fonder of him if it's only going to make it harder for you being on a different continent? There's no doubt he has feelings for you but, often times, love isn't enough. He's your first, and that makes it harder, but it's time to think long term.
Grieving Widow Not Ready For New Relationship
- Published 04/5/2013
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
My girlfriend is a widow, and we have dated since June of last year. We have remarkable times together. The thing is, we went out of state and set his ashes free in the ocean. After that she has only wanted to see me, maybe, once a month. Now she says I need to talk to her like she's married 'cause in her heart she's still married. She says she can't love me like I deserve, because she's still in love with her late husband. I'm in
love with her. What should I do?
-----------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------
As painful as this is, I feel you should let her go. She got involved with you too soon after the death of her husband. She hadn't moved past the grieving period (which has no set time limit), and although you provided a distraction and great comfort to her, it couldn't fill the void left by her husband. Her new terms are not acceptable, in my opinion. She's making a choice, and she has to accept the consequences of it. You can't, or should not play the role of a go-to friend when it suits her, nor treat her as a married woman who offers little more than an occasional use of her time. It's because you love her that you need to protect yourself from additional heartbreak. She knows where to contact you if she changes her mind.
My girlfriend is a widow, and we have dated since June of last year. We have remarkable times together. The thing is, we went out of state and set his ashes free in the ocean. After that she has only wanted to see me, maybe, once a month. Now she says I need to talk to her like she's married 'cause in her heart she's still married. She says she can't love me like I deserve, because she's still in love with her late husband. I'm in
love with her. What should I do?
-----------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------
As painful as this is, I feel you should let her go. She got involved with you too soon after the death of her husband. She hadn't moved past the grieving period (which has no set time limit), and although you provided a distraction and great comfort to her, it couldn't fill the void left by her husband. Her new terms are not acceptable, in my opinion. She's making a choice, and she has to accept the consequences of it. You can't, or should not play the role of a go-to friend when it suits her, nor treat her as a married woman who offers little more than an occasional use of her time. It's because you love her that you need to protect yourself from additional heartbreak. She knows where to contact you if she changes her mind.
Recent Articles
Past Haunts New Relationship
- Published Yesterday
- Relationships - Women
Miss Emily:
I have a slight complicated question well, at least, I think it is. Let me start by saying that I am currently in a almost 2 year relationship with the man of my dreams. Everything was going great up until about 4 or 5 months ago. We entered the relationship we told each other everything. So later there would be no surprises. Well, my past relationship had some extreme circumstances. I was with my child's father for almost 7 years, on and off . We got together when i was 13 amd he was 18. I thought it was great. I didn't have a father figure i guess he filled that role. Everything was great for the first 3 years. I thought I was in love but then he started cheating, beating me, and forced me to have sex. I got pregnant, and he got someone else pregnant -- married someone else -- then came back to me. And i took him back. I WAS SO STUPID! So now when I got with my new man, over time I expressed all the bad that happened to me, he comforted me, and said he would never do it to me -- but now it's affecting him badly. Now that were starting to want to have future kids, and things like, he think I will never truly love him because of all the bad that I let happen to me by my ex. He never feels all the way secure with our relationship. Now my question is how do we overcome this, because my way of trying to overcome it is with "I love you" and affection, but he said that makes it worse. It makes him think I did that with my ex. We love each other dearly, but it's taking a toll on our relrelationship. What can I do?
------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------
He's not being rational about this, because he's as much saying you are incapable of recognizing a good man. And he is a good man, isn't he? -- unless he doesn't feel that's the case, and he's the one who thinks he's unworthy of your love. Maybe the whole horror of your past has finally dawned on him, and he can't reconcile how anyone could be in that position. But whatever the reason, he's forcing you to wear the shroud of your past, even when you were fortunate enough to let it go. He gives you no credit for growing, learning, maturing, and accepting a good relationship. But this relationship won't last if he punishes you for a past you cannot change. You being forthcoming to him has become a weapon he uses against you. And that's not fair, nor right. I'm not sure what chance you have of going to couples' counseling to work at this, but it could help you save this relationship. If it's a money issue, however, at some point, he's going to have to let you live in the future and not the past. You were a vulnerable young girl when your ex took over your life. Where he belongs is in jail, but injustice is not uncommon. Bottom line: If he refuses to let this go, you're going to have to let him go. I am so sorry. You've suffered enough for the garbage life thrown your way, and to be punished twice for something that happened at a time when you were the most vulnerable, had no real guidance from family, and were left to make big decisions with a child's mind is cruel. If he doesn't understand this, he lacks true understanding of the nature of abuse.
I have a slight complicated question well, at least, I think it is. Let me start by saying that I am currently in a almost 2 year relationship with the man of my dreams. Everything was going great up until about 4 or 5 months ago. We entered the relationship we told each other everything. So later there would be no surprises. Well, my past relationship had some extreme circumstances. I was with my child's father for almost 7 years, on and off . We got together when i was 13 amd he was 18. I thought it was great. I didn't have a father figure i guess he filled that role. Everything was great for the first 3 years. I thought I was in love but then he started cheating, beating me, and forced me to have sex. I got pregnant, and he got someone else pregnant -- married someone else -- then came back to me. And i took him back. I WAS SO STUPID! So now when I got with my new man, over time I expressed all the bad that happened to me, he comforted me, and said he would never do it to me -- but now it's affecting him badly. Now that were starting to want to have future kids, and things like, he think I will never truly love him because of all the bad that I let happen to me by my ex. He never feels all the way secure with our relationship. Now my question is how do we overcome this, because my way of trying to overcome it is with "I love you" and affection, but he said that makes it worse. It makes him think I did that with my ex. We love each other dearly, but it's taking a toll on our relrelationship. What can I do?
------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------
He's not being rational about this, because he's as much saying you are incapable of recognizing a good man. And he is a good man, isn't he? -- unless he doesn't feel that's the case, and he's the one who thinks he's unworthy of your love. Maybe the whole horror of your past has finally dawned on him, and he can't reconcile how anyone could be in that position. But whatever the reason, he's forcing you to wear the shroud of your past, even when you were fortunate enough to let it go. He gives you no credit for growing, learning, maturing, and accepting a good relationship. But this relationship won't last if he punishes you for a past you cannot change. You being forthcoming to him has become a weapon he uses against you. And that's not fair, nor right. I'm not sure what chance you have of going to couples' counseling to work at this, but it could help you save this relationship. If it's a money issue, however, at some point, he's going to have to let you live in the future and not the past. You were a vulnerable young girl when your ex took over your life. Where he belongs is in jail, but injustice is not uncommon. Bottom line: If he refuses to let this go, you're going to have to let him go. I am so sorry. You've suffered enough for the garbage life thrown your way, and to be punished twice for something that happened at a time when you were the most vulnerable, had no real guidance from family, and were left to make big decisions with a child's mind is cruel. If he doesn't understand this, he lacks true understanding of the nature of abuse.
