Dear Miss Emily:

I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 years. He used to live near me when he was at Uni but moved this summer.  He and I are good friends and very close, and when he was here we used to be with each other all the time – that means sexual too. He’s moved back home now, so I don’t see him; even though he made it clear we are not together, we have a relationship where each of us can’t do anything with anyone else because of hurting each other.  However, I have seen proof of him sleeping with other people, but I still really like him. I’m friends with his friend who lives here.  The other night we all went out, and I got really drunk. I stayed around his house and woke up to his friend having sex with me. I  didn’t know what to do.  I think I told him it was ok but I don’t know. I thought it was my dream!  I wouldn’t have said yes, otherwise. I’m just worried he might tell our mutual friend.  He would go nuts if he knew.  I really don’t know what to do.  I’ve told him not to tell anyone, and he said he won’t, but I don’t know if he meant it.
Too Drunk To Know

------------------------------Miss Emily’s advice--------------------------

Dear Too Drunk:

I’d be really be shocked over your letter if this weren’t a typical mess that FEMALES find themselves getting into because, oddly enough, I’ve never heard a MAN complain about this being a problem.  Gee, that extra appendage really holds a lot of sway! But it should not be the case if women used their power to get what they want without having to compromise themselves in the process.  First of all, I would be more concerned about my drinking, and thinking that someone fondling me can be construed as a dream.  I must admit, I’ve had a few too many drinks in my day, but I never thought I was dreaming when someone had their hot little hands on my body.   In other words, don’t do this again or you’ll find yourself pregnant or with an STD (sexually transmitted disease).  Now, as far as this guy who moved back home – the one you don’t see, but still have a commitment with – get real!  Grow up and realize that these silly pacts are nothing more than hot air.  People move on with their lives.  How it’s handled can be done with greater finesse than you demonstated.  Guys talk.  They love to tell of their conquests, especially when it’s with someone who their friend once had.  You’d think this would be a deal-breaker in terms of the friendship, but no!  It’s usually a free pass – a good-old-boy sort of thing.  You’ll be the one to blame. So you’re on your own.  Face the music, because it’s time you realized that nobody is ever going to really care about your future as much as you do. If what you say is true, and he's slept around, why are you duty-bound to be faithful, despite you poor judgment?  Tell this guy the truth before he hears if from his friend.  If he is offended by your breach of trust, so be it.  You can't unring this bell.