Dear Miss Emily:

I have been seeing a man for about six months and have never felt this way for someone or been loved like he loves me.  Almost everyone I have ever been with has cheated on me.  He swears he would never do that to me.  But he is a very “joking” person and  jokes about it knowing how I feel.  We work at the same place and I give him rides.  He didn't go in today, and I have been trying to call. He is not answering the home phone or our cell.  Am I just making more out of this than I should?  How can I get over feeling like I can't trust him?
Not-so-trusting

----------------------------Miss Emily’s advice-------------------------


Dear Not-so-trusting:


Temptation exists everywhere, and it seems that some of us are unable to resist it.  But those who do resist it, do so because they are not willing to ruin a good thing.  I don’t know why you have been in relationships where a cheating man is the norm, but I would have to assume it’s either your choice of men, or perhaps you are too possessive.  I don’t like the fact that this guy jokes with you about cheating, knowing that this is a sensitive issue with you. Maybe he sees a deep insecurity within you and is bringing it to the fore, albeit it in an unfortunate manner.  There could be a perfectly good reason why he was missing-in-action for the day, but if you are as close as you say you are, it had better be a damn good reason.  For example:  He lost his hands and tongue when he got tangled in a revolving door!  I wouldn’t worry about his cheating on me, as much as I would worry about trusting him with my feelings.  Please remember this: You wouldn’t want someone to behave a certain way unless they were honestly willing to do so.  Prove to him that you are worth his attention by being strong and independent.  Cheating is a symptom of a weak relationship.  Don’t single yourself out as someone who gets cheated on, and  take responsibility for the type of man you let into your life.  Keep high standards, and maintain self-respect. Do this, and your lack of trust in men will diminish.