Dear Miss Emily:

Well, I just recently had my boyfriend break up with me. It was a total surprise to me and he said the reason was because he didn't love me anymore, the way he used to. We dated for 6 months. It was a surprise for me and it left me heartbroken. I want him back so badly.We have been stressed with our final exams, and this happened 2 weeks before the exams. I avoided contact with him except for a couple of messages and chatting, until we began to send dirty messages to each other and even tried to make a friends with benefits thing work. But yesterday, after a long while of him doing everything he used to when we were in a relationship, like cuddling,random kissing etc. I began to have feelings for him, again, and could not get him out of my head. I wanted to say 'I love you' but couldn't because I didn't know what the response would be. I called him after that to talk to him about it as it bothered me. He said none of it seemed to bother him and that it did mean something. He said he had never lost the physical attraction and everything else that isn't normal for a 'friends with benefits' persons, like cuddling and stuff, came naturally to him when I was around and hence he did it. I told him how it made me feel but he said that nothing had changed that even after the finals were over, he still wanted the break up and that he was sorry he got me confused. I don't get how he was able to separate sex and love so easily and act all the while like he had feelings for me. He is a very ambitious person, and competitive and I know the exams have been a strain on him as he has a lot to prove to the ones around him. So he has been stressed about it, for ages, and I thought I could give him space until the exams were over and then talk about getting back together after the exams. But he made it so clear he wanted nothing of a relationship with me and now I'm heart broken and still wondering if it's the exams he is so worried about. Please tell me how to make this work.

-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------

You're not going to be able to make it work, because each of you wants something different from the relationship. He cares for you, but the F W B relationship lets him off the hook as far as a commitment.  Face it, he seems to have worked it out in his mind, but you can't accept the terms. You'd be foolish to spend too much time hoping he'll come around if you keep up this quasi-together relationship.  He's ambitious, he has plans for his life, and he puts you into one of his mental compartments. Bottom line: You want more, and as long as you go along with this new arrangement, you have no one to blame but yourself if you get your heart broken, again. My advice? Cut him off -- no sex, no cuddling, no kidding. See him, occasionally, if that's even possible, but get real about him. Once you take a firm stance, if he wants more than an F W B relationship -- he'll let you know.