Hey Miss Emily,

This Guy(A) has been my best-friend since middle school. We have always been able to talk to each about everything, we had the perfect relationship. After a while, some time in high school I started looking at him differently. We started to develop very strong feelings for one another, we fell "in love" as he would say. Three years have gone by and we are still in the same situation. We are not in an official relationship, yet we  do all things that people in relationships do, yes everything. There was this girl, who he started becoming really close with,    when I asked about her he became very defensive.  Saying things like, we are not in a relationship, you are not my girlfriend, she has nothing to do with you, you do not need to worry about her, you two are not in the catergory. I began to talk to other guys and once he found out me made me feel like the worst person in the world, saying things like  why are you hurting me, you know what you are doing, bascially trying to make me choose between the two. It's fine for him to date other women but I cannot. I have never pressured him into being in a serious relationship, part of me does not want to be in a committed relationship but part of me does. My friends say he does this only because I allow him to. I know that we have weird relationship. As many would say "he wants his cake and eat it too." I am so confused I do not know what to do, please help!!!

-------------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------------------

If you do "everything" and I think I know what you mean by that, and you want to be open about this relationship, his attitude toward this situation is nothing short of offensive. Yes, you have a weird relationship, but your friends are right -- you allow it to go on in this manner. I think you're afraid you'll risk this "friendship" being destroyed if you ask for more than what you have. But how well will it survive if some other girl comes into his life and wants you out of it? If you have the guts, I'd tell him you and he can maintain a close friendship but without the fringe benefits. It only places you in that "hopeful" position of thinking someday he will come around, acknowledge this relationship to the public because he really is "in love" with you. I see it differently. As long as you accept the status quo, there's no reason for him to change his position. What he said to you about the other girl having nothing to do with you, and you're not in the same category, troubles me (and that's an understatement).  I'd like to think he was saying "that's because you're on such a high pedestal, she can't even compete" but, somehow, I don't think that's what he meant. His double-standard when it comes to you talking to other guys is so typical, and such an absurd stance it doesn't even deserve a response -- other than, "The jury's in, and you're wrong." Again, I'd let go of anything physical and get your head on straight about this guy. You and he may never end up a "real" couple, but your integrity and self-respect is at stake, here, and I'd protect myself against future disappointment.