Dear Miss Emily:

I am a gay male, that is in a committed relationship. We have been together for seven and half years. We had a wonderful relationship. My spouse is not "out" to everyone. He got this job about three years ago and didn't tell them he was gay. He got far up in the company and plays pool tournaments with them and goes on company retreats. They think he is straight, and have for years. Well, recently they have been pressuring him into being with a woman. Well a month ago, my spouse was partying with work people and got really drunk at this girls house. They had sex, and he said afterward he got so sick. He said he wore protection. Well, we worked through that issue. Then today, he told me that the girl is now pregnant. HUH?  My spouse wants to keep it and stay with me. What can I do to help him? I love him with all my heart.

-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------

Your loyalty is admirable. Any more like you at home?  I understand the social difficulty of being gay, even in today's calmer climate, but the situation with this woman was totally unnecessary. Too bad he can't un-ring this bell -- assuming he would want to if he could.  First of all, he will need to know if this woman truly is pregnant, and if it's his child. Many a woman has cried "I'm pregnant with your child" (or pregnant, period) for all sorts of reasons. He doesn't really know her, nor can he presume to trust her. That said, if it turns out she is pregnant, it's his child, and he wants to play "daddy" (and he will have to in terms of child support), he needs to come clean with her about his sexual orientation -- and high time, I might add. He's been living a lie, and now it's backed up on him -- and, unfortunately, you too.  If you truly trust him enough to stay with him, raising a child with him could be a rewarding experience if he's totally out of the closet and can include you in child-rearing. And if I were you, I'd accept nothing less than full disclosure. You hiding in the dark, and making yourself scarce during visitation would break your heart in two.You'd be a fool to allow it. But let's not put the cart before the horse until you and he know the full skinny. Please keep me posted.