Dear Miss Emily:

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. He lives in a different state -- about an hour away. We have a daughter together. I went to surprise him at his house to find out he wasn't there he went to go pick up his car.  His phone was there so i picked it up and went through his texts.  I saw a couple messages from a girl and they had exchanged texts calling each other baby.  He explained to me that it was his ex girlfriend she keeps texting him and that's what they used to call each other.  He promised on everything he never cheated.  I had told him it was over because i felt like he was cheating.  He had cried because he didn't want to lose me. So we talked about it and got back together. But I still cant help but wonder if he will cheat on me, or if he still talks to her.  What can I do ? I'm so scared to be hurt. I want it to work because we have a daughter together.

--------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------

Why does he live an hour away when you have a child together? Is it work related? I get this type of letter, often. The phone is left unattended and the girlfriend (and sometimes boyfriend) goes through the cell phone and finds information that is troubling or shocking -- and most of the time it's messages/and or texts from another woman. And the excuses as to why the boyfriend (or girlfriend) is conversing with another woman in that "manner" is always pretty much the same as what he told you -- and it's never their fault! I don't know if he's cheating -- you can't know until you have more proof. But the issue is this:  He is conversing with another woman, calling her baby, which is quite informal, and had no problem with it until you took issue with him. I am sure he doesn't want to lose you. He thought he could do what he wanted and not be held accountable. If you can't live closer to this man in order to create a type of family unit" I don't think you are really going to know what's going on, completely (unless you were to pay him many more surprise visits). Maybe this ex got in contact with him, and he simply had fun playing the role of an "unattached" man but, even if that's all that it was, it shows a weakened commitment to you and you are smart to be concerned. Keep your ears and eyes open for future breaches of trust.