Emily:

I need some advice on what to do.  I am a single mother of two. I work full time and I go to school part time. I have recently gotten engaged last Christmas, but instead of this being a happy and joyous occasion it has turned into disaster. Let me give you a brief story of my life. I have been dating this guy for the last 6 years; during the first 5 we have had our share of problems. We have broken up, been cheated on and gotten back together. This past year he finally told me that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of our lives together. I started planning a wedding. I bought junior bridesmaid's dresses for the girls, set a date, talked to the preacher. We had everything ready and all of the sudden a month before the wedding date, my fiance calls off the wedding and starts giving me all kinds of excuses as to why we can't get married now.  His reasons have been because we don't have a place to live. We live in a very small town and there are not many houses to rent. He has filed for bankruptcy last year and my credit is awful. I don't make enough money to try to save up. He has all these single women as friends and tells me I have to except that he has single women as friends. That's ok but he has a face book and everything is private. He doesn't like people to see that he is engaged and he says it's because everybody already knows and why put his personal business out there. I agree to some degree, but I don't understand why I can't see any of his friends or be able to see what he says to them back and forth. Everyone tells me that he is not ready to get married and that he is still looking. And I even caught him on a dating site for Facebook and asked him about it and he told me that he didn't do it and his friend must have. He and I have been through a lot together, and I really love him but am I making a bad decision? What should I do?

----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------

You are smart, in many ways, I can tell by your letter, but you aren't smart when it comes to him. He's made a mockery of all he thought he could do -- marry you, be a father to your children, and now he backs out. I can see how financial insecurity can lead anyone, and especially a man to feel inadequate. I can also see postponing a wedding until he got on his feet and made good in the financial department -- but being on Facebook, privately, and getting on a dating site (his doing, I am sure), does not make for a lifelong partnership because he wouldn't be able to tell you what that meant if he had a colt 45 pointed at his head. Hard as it is, I'd tell him marriage, at any time, is off the table and, then, get your own ducks in-a -row. Build some financial security for you and the girls, and look for someone who is more reliable than a crap shoot, and not someone who so easily can pull the rug out from under your feet because he's too weak, too insecure and, definitely, not marriage material -- at least not with you.