Hi Miss Emily, I write to you with doubts! I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, we have a 9 month old daughter together. Throughout our relationship we've had problems with his flirting, he seems to think that saying intimate things to another girl is okay but it hurts me. We both grew up in different cultures and he says that that's his culture. However, I have been open to him about how it makes me feel and he has tried to understand and change. Recently, we've had a problem with an ex-girlfriend of his, who is just a friend now but there have been circumstances that I don't feel comfortable with including him admitting to me that she was someone he would always adore and would think about. A few days ago I saw a chat online he had with her in which he told her how much she meant to him, he even went as far to say that he was in love with her although he knew she could never be his. She knows that I'm not exactly fond of her and that I feel weird about them talking but she continues to urge the attention from him. As before in past issues, I feel in a competition for my boyfriend and for his affection, and I feel second to every ex-girlfriend that he has had because to him it's important not to hurt them but it's okay to hurt me. I just have to take it and accept it. I think I deserve more than that, I believe I deserve respect in this relationship and to be number 1. I feel that he doesn't give his 100% or his heart to our relationship and I do. I also have ex-boyfriends that remain special to me but out of respect to me, to him and our relationship I have never crossed the line to have such intimate conversations with them, nor them with me out of respect. I feel frusterated and disrespected in such circumstances but I don't know if this is something to work on or if it's a lost cause because he will say I can change and the same thing will happen later down the road. Or he will side with her and turn the issue around to become my fault. So is it something that should be brought up and worked on, or should I move on with my life? Thanks for your time!

----------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------

I have my doubts that he will ever change, as well. To be so very blatant about his affection for his ex (s) is something that will only change if he decides it's wrong and, apparently, that's not the case. You haven't mentioned marriage with this man, and I would have second thoughts about it under these circumstances. You are not first on his list, a priority (that's obvious), and I don't know what culture he's talking about, but his behavior is insulting and disrespectful to you -- and that's the bottom line. I would tell you to definitely move on with your life, but that will take courage, money, and a plan. Your daughter deserves a stable mother who will be there for her to provide the necessities of life, as well as love and devotion. She does not, however, deserve a mother who is in a depressing situation with a man (her father) who treats her mother like a second-class citizen. Good luck to you in making the right decision for you and your daughter.