Dear Miss Emily,

I feel silly writing to you about my dilemma but it is becoming unbearable for me. I am an attractive, goodhearted, intelligent woman but I have always chosen the wrong men as mates and I have paid the price. The last one I married and separated 8 yrs. ago. Since then I haven't had a serious relationship with anyone until now. I met someone 5 months ago and fell for him hard. I had not felt that way for years and it scary to feel so helplessly drawn to a person so much. I couldn't control it. I thought he felt the same, but after 2 months he got scared and broke it off. I was upset but I am strong and, deep down, I knew there was nothing I could have done. I believe people have to make their own decisions. After 3 weeks he called to apologize, said he got overwhelmed with how strong his feelings were for me, he wanted us together again and that he couldn't stop thinking about me. We started seeing each other, again with no strings attached and after 2 weeks the man is practically living with me. Month later he moved in. We have very strong feelings for each other. I know what kind of person I am looking for and he is it. I did therapy after my ex to make sure I didn't pick a loser again and this guy excites me in every way. His job takes him away alot. He is gone all week and I see him on the weekend. This just started and, after I had here for 2 months, I'm having a hard time adjusting without him especially at night. I haven't had much luck or happiness in my life in the past and this seems almost too good to be true. I am terrified something will happen and I will lose him. He said he is totally commited to me and that he will support me financially until I find a new job. Yet why do I feel this doom lurking above me?

------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------

With a bad track record, I understand your trepidation. It might have been wise for you not to have had him move in with you. It was too soon, in my opinion. Promises to support you until you find a new job is also not a good thing. This makes you dependent on him in ways you don't want at this early stage of the relationship. There is always a risk that the person you choose may have a hidden agenda, or simply not be the person you thought he (or she) is, but acting in haste gives you a greater chance to repent in leisure. I hope this is not the case for you. Your best bet is to take responsibility for the choices you make, keep your eyes and ears open for any warning signs that may lead to questions about his sincerity -- but also realize that taking chances in life, and in love is a part of human nature. We want to trust, and we want to be loved -- but how we approach it, rationally (or irrationally) can tip the scale in the direction of success or failure.