Ms. Emily-
I recently was dating a guy for about 4 months. At the beginning of the relationship, I informed him of my previous experiences and how I would never tolerate anger, abuse, etc. again seeing as how I had already experienced it once. He was the first one to mention falling in love, I had the same feelings as he did, but was skeptical of telling him. I eventually did. After a few months, he began asking me to marry him, have children with him, confessed his love to me everyday, spent all of our time together or on the phone. The first incident that we had an argument, he was outraged. I walked away. The times after that when we argued, he started calling me names, belittling me and my family, telling me that he would send me videos of  him sleeping with other people or threaten to ruin my job, car, etc. He would say extremely hateful things in moments of anger and then turn around and feel bad on his own and ask for forgiveness. I became miserable in the relationship despite how much I loved him. I did everything for him, paid for everything, supported his desires and ideas but it was very hard. I no longer wanted to do anything for myself or with my family or friends because it was embarrassing to hide the way he was talking to me. Majority of the time we were together was fine, but his outbursts were always over petty, not important things. I have no temper at all and got my feelings hurt easily. He took everything in my life that meant something to me and used it against me. About 4 weeks ago, he changed his number after a fight and did not talk to me for 3 days. I received an email stating he was depressed and felt as though his life was spiraling downward and a lot of it had to do with our relationship and that he loved me but needed to get on his feet before he could do anything else. I was confused. He then gave me his new number and we talked, the next day I brought him lunch and we kissed, said I love you and that night.. he sent a text saying that he could not do it anymore , that he was not happy with it and blocked me entirely. Phone calls, emails, everything. I was distraught. I still called from other places and he proceeded to ignore me. He then sent one email stating there was no one else and to leave him alone. Eventually, one evening I was so hurt that I called. A girl answered informing me that they were together and happy. I was in shock and thought maybe it was just a friend saying it so that I would stop calling. However, someone has seen him in public with her now. Little to my knowledge, I have also found out that there are 2 restraining orders filed against him from previous girlfriends. He has been to jail before for abuse. The stories just get awful and I am shocked! I do not know what I am feeling at this moment and I am thankful he was never physically abusive towards me but the pain is still there and the questions as to why he left me the way he did and why he lied about who he was. Can  you help?

-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------

By most definitions of abusive relationships, the abuser cannot let go and it escalates into further abuse and control -- where the abused finds it next to impossible to leave the relationship. You were lucky!  Perhaps, because of the restraining orders and a fear of future legal trouble, he moved on to someone else in the deluded belief that he would be better to her, and capable of having a healthy relationship. You didn't mention your age, but that could have something to do with it. Abusers often become more abusive with age. But, right now, you should breathe a sigh of relief. You dodged some major bullets because two women had to file reports with the police in hopes of keeping him away. Again, you'll never know why he cut you off the way he did -- but perhaps he knew he was headed for more trouble because of his past and, at this point, still struggles with the beast in him and his desire to be a "normal" individual. He needs help, and he's not getting it. I pity the new victim in his life. Surely, she is starting out in this relationship believing he is a great guy. One can only hope that she won't be the one to suffer an escalation of his abuse and be physically harmed. You can't make sense of "crazy" and the more you try, the more futile the effort will become. Now it is you who may need to change phone numbers. He might contact you, again, when this new relationship falters, and it will require you do everything you can to avoid him.