Dear Miss Emily: I am a 51 year old male who is on his second marrage. I recently ran across an old girlfriend from college, whom I haven't seen in 23 years.She on her second marrage as well. The problem I have is this woman and I had a purely sexual relationship for a couple of years in college. We had a lot of fun, and she eventually became pregnant. We chose to have an abortion. I always had feelings for this woman. We met years earlier and spent some time together, but nothing became of it, but for many years, I carried guilt around for not treating her better, dating her exclusively. Now that I've found her again, I have this tremendous guilt again about trying to make things right between us, whatever that would entail. My guilt is very strong. I know I did her wrong, and I feel she forgives me, but I cannot quit thinking about her. I think she is fairly happy being married to her current spouse, as I feel I am, but I cannot help but wonder what if ? Please help me this guilt is overwhelming. Thanks. ------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------- I think you're making too much of this, and your importance in it. Yes, you had a relationship with her without commitment, but she's an equal who made decisions based on who she is, and that's not your responsibility. I have a feminist viewpoint toward it. The abortion was a decision you and she made together. This is my way of saying the guilt is yours if you want it, but it's totally unnecessary. I do know that if you were to continue your correspondence with her, to any great degree, it could jepordize what you have with your current wife. You can't go back in time. You both moved on to new lives and the future is what's important -- you and she are not the same people you were 23 years ago. Who among us doesn't have regret, but if you dwell on it, it will eat at you like a cancer. Move forward, not backward, if you have the smarts to do it. But, again, think of her as an equal and not a pawn in some game you played, because you are a decent person, she knows that, and it's time to put this to rest.