Dear Miss Emily,

I've been in a relationship with this girl for about 6 months now. I care for her a lot, but she has very bad trust issues from a past boyfriend cheating on her. This makes her very controlling, and its hard because I had to give up hanging out with so many female friends. My girlfriend also suffers from very bad depression and stress almost all the time which in return she treats me very mean for no reason. I have had 2 serious past talks with her where I came very close to breaking up with her but she promises she will do better. For a few weeks after this talk its amazing how nice she treats me and how happy she acts but sadly after the few weeks it goes right downhill again. It's almost like she has 2 sides to her, and I love her so much when she is on her good side but sadly enough her bad side is the side that comes out 80% of the time. I've been so frustrated the past few weeks cause I'm not sure what to do. Part of me feels it's best just to break it off, and another part of me feels really bad about doing it to her.  She even has a past history of when her last serious boyfriend broke it off with her that she would constantly cut herself till her family had to take her in for help. I'm so scarred that breaking it off with her would put her back into that situation.
What do you think my next step should be?

------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------

Your girlfriend has problems you can't fix. And I would assume her past boyfriends realized this, as well. Do not wait to break it off, because the longer you wait, the harder it will be. She holds her past break-ups as a threat over your head -- as if to say, "Don't you dare do that to me, or else I'll..." or you see it as a tacit understanding. It's possible she doesn't realize what she's doing, but her emotional damage dictates it. She is needy, and possessive, and it's not a healthy relationship when this is the driving motivation for keeping it together. It's your life, and you need to do what is best for you. You are not a caretaker, nor a big brother, parent, or counselor and, therefore, incapable of being what she thinks she needs. She may have some fine attributes, but that does not equate to a good relationship. Ask any of her ex-boyfriends! I have attached an e-mail from a guy who wrote me a letter a few months ago, and I think you might find it interesting. As well, look at my column and go into the section marked "relationships/men" and scroll down. You will see you're not the only one with this problem.