Dear Miss Emily:

What should i do in a relationship where my boyfriend wont let go of his ex who he cheated on me with? My boyfriend and I have been dating for quite some time, but we live in different countries. I found out that he was cheating on me with a girl he is studying with. I had been suspicious about her before and I confronted him about it. But he said they were just friends. He "left" her when I found out, and we got back together. However, he is STILL good friends with her even when he knows he is hurting me and I have asked him to stop his friendship with her. (She also cheated on him with his best friend). So what am I supposed to do? Every time I try to talk to him about this he says that the problem is in me because I cannot trust him. He always changes the subject and turns the conversation around so that I'm the bad guy and he is the sweet innocent one. What should I do? Please help me.

------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------

I can understand why you are hurt. But this girl seems to fill a need he has, be it friendship or whatever, and he is defending it by making you look like the person who has the problem. Some people are masters at this technique! I'm not sure he would be understanding if the shoe were on the other foot. But he has decided this relationship is worth keeping, despite how you feel about it and, now, the ball's in your court. Maybe he is faithful, but there is a history of cheating and it all boils down to this one issue with this one woman. Trust in the cornerstone of a good relationship, and if you don't have that -- you have nothing. In your case, it seems fruitless to battle this with no winning in sight. Either accept it, or tell him it's over. Your decision should be based on his attitude concerning this matter, rather than an elusive threat that he will cheat, again.