Hi Miss E,

My bf and I have been together for over 3 yrs now.  I met him at a very difficult time in my life and loved that he was a very kind-hearted, caring, loyal, artistic person with similar goals.  I'm now in my Saturn Return and feeling the pull of the universe towards greater things.  Problem is, my boyfriend has zero self confidence and does not have the same kind of drive that I do.  He doesn't keep me from doing the things I want to do, but his lack of achievement and positive attitude, is a major problem for me.  I don't feel the "in love/magical" feeling anymore and I'm pretty sure it's because of the confidence problem as it really affects every aspect of our lives (he's had the same job he hates for 6 yrs, same terrible schedule, never completes projects, etc). We are very open with each other and are best friends.  He started therapy last month, which seems to be helping but at the same time dredging up a lot of issues for him.  We've decided the only way for this to work is if we take a little time apart so he can focus on going back to school, therapy and personal accomplishments (without my help) and I can focus on my own issues.  Problem is, we have an apt together, a cat, and no money.  We've thought about subletting for 2 months.  We've also discussed me traveling a bit and us just giving each other distance while continuing to live together. I'm almost 30 and feeling pressure to make decisions i.e. be in it to win it or keep movin' on.  I am so fond of him and really prey that this will work out. Any advice for a couple of lost souls?

-----------------------Miss Emily's Advice---------------------

This is a case when I think the advice seeker is handling it the best way she (he) can. Traveling during this separation period is one idea, but you don't seem to have the money to do that and a transient approach may leave you too unsettled as a result. Being fond of someone does not translate into the kind of relationship you want (as you are aware), but I certainly understand the emotional roller coaster you are facing. When two people are nice, good decent individuals who share and care, it's hard to shift into a new mode in a relationship. But it's something you are attempting to do, and whether you stay together in the same apartment or not, I think this is going to sift out to the best solution for each of you. You and he are determined to do the hard work. I hope he does seek the pleasure he wants in life, and you are right that he doesn't need you to tell him where it is -- from what you have told me. Do your best to keep focused on the reasons this is happening, be objective about his accomplishments, and avoid the temptation to give your personal therapy advice. Let it evolve without any attempt at manipulation because of the fondness you share with each other. You and he are at a crossroad, and may have grown out of this relationship. But if that's true, I'm sure you and he will be able to handle it in the same mature, responsible way you are dealing with this present circumstance. Good luck to you both.