Dear Miss Emily:

I have been in a long distance relationship with the most adorable man on
the planet for a bit over a year. I am 20 and he's 42.  We're both unbelievably happy, making plans for the future. We try to meet at least once in a month and it depends on his extremely busy schedule. He either flies to my country or we meet somewhere abroad. I would just like to know whether my little worry is justified or not. He divorced four years ago from his ex-wife and has two adorable daughters, 14 and 12, whom he tries to see as much as possible. I have encouraged him to mention them and not be  afraid to hurt my feelings with telling me what he has done with them like shopping or eating ice cream, etc. But the thing is, although he has, sometimes, mentioned that I shall meet them one day, and visit his hometown, as yet, I haven't!  I have met only one of his friend’s and that friend is married, but this took place in a country other than his own. So basically, he has met my parents, my best friends, knows almost everything about me and I have never even visited him, have never seen his kids, don't know any of his friends other from what he tells me. Is it normal? Is he maybe, in a way, a bit afraid to impose with that because he might think it will be hard for me to meet his ex and his kids? How should I tell him that it bothers me a bit? Right now what I feel is, that he is completely part of my life, but I am not completely part of his. What should I do? Thanking you in advance for th advice you might give.

----------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------

Dear Puzzled:

I see a possible red flag.  I may be wrong (hate that!).  You have made a lot of excuses for him and seem to think there are many reasons for his not involving you in his life.  And for argument's sake, let’s say you are right, taking into consideration that you’ve seen him 12 times in a year?  You are still in the cute, giddy phase, and reality has not yet set in.  So my dear, don’t make any plans for the future until you are sure that he is not hiding a secret life, and you are simply his present muse.  He’s 42, you’re 20, and he’s got the jump on you in terms of experience. Is it normal what he’s doing?  What’s normal?  But if you feel uncomfortable about not moving, gradually, into his life, then stop making excuses and tell him how you feel.  If you can’t convey these feelings, then this is not the man for you.  Communication is the only way to make a relationship a success.  Make no plans until he completely makes his home, his children, and his life available to you.  If you do not heed this warning, your chances of winning on this may be tantamount to a crap shoot.