Dear Miss Emily,

About seen months ago I posted a personals ad online. Out of the many responses I recieved, today I only speak to, and frequently see, one. We aren't together, though if I had it my way we would be. I am a lesbian. She is a thirty-four year old married woman with two children. I am a nineteen year old single college student. When we first began talking it was supposed to be simple fun for the two of us; something temporary. Here I sit seven months later dying to tell her I love her. My friends all say I am something temorary to her and that in the end I was just a toy when she got bored. However, I am living this. I know how it sounds from the outside but I am a very sensible, mature woman. I do understand how it SEEMS. We have talked about this, she and I. See, the thing is she doesn't love her husband. She never has loved him. She married him for security. They do not kiss, cuddle, or show any sort of emotional display of emotional connection. She stays with him because she has two beautiful children who mean more than anything to her. She's afraid if she were to leave, he'd take them. She cares deeply about me, she truely does. We connect. We have more chemistry than anyone I've ever met in my entire life. She means the world to me. However, I do realize she is married and probably will not leave her husband for me, but I absolutely cannot let go. No one compares to her. I would rather have a small piece of her than nothing at all.  Help?

----------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------

You're a little "all over the map" with your emotions on this yet, ultimately, you said you'd rather have the relationship the way it is than to not have her at all. That statement sounds pretty definite. She does hold the power in this relationship, and you know that. Despite being married, and the arrangement she's signed up for because of the kids, that doesn't mean it couldn't change somewhere down the line -- but I have my doubts that you'd be the reason for it. Her lesbian experience with you, and the glow she is basking in (your undying love and adoration for her) probably won't last, although it's a heady experience now. It's been only seven months, and her interest in you, I think, will eventually wane. Even if she were to decide she wanted out of her marriage, heading into a gay relationship with a nineteen year-old lover would require the guts and courage of someone who was willing to face a husband's wrath, the kids' requirement to accept mom's choice and, of course, divorce court and the laws in your state. It seems to me that she's not up for the challenge, and I understand why. My opinion is that she does care deeply for you but, at the end of the day, when she thinks it's all too much pressure and you want more because you are an intense, passionate person, she'll leave the relationship and recommit to the safety and comfort of her home and kids. If you can live with that probable outcome, let this play out knowing your heart will be broken.