Dear Miss Emily:

Okay, my fiance and i just got an apartment together and I'm getting a bit overwhelmed by the household duties and cleaning up after him..He says I need to be more of a wife and get used to it.? I don't know, what do you think?

----------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------

After reading your e-mail, my heart felt like it stopped beating for a moment. If a man made an offensive comment like that to me, fiance or not, I'd tell him in no uncertain terms that if he wanted a maid, here's the classified ads to find one. Actually, I think I might even say, "You know, I made a mistake with you and I'm packing up, moving out -- as well, thanking you for letting me know what's in store for me before I walked like a lamb to slaughter." Even if you didn't work (but I'm sure you do), to be expected to clean up after his messes is disrespectful (an understatement), and he wants a mother, more than a wife. This is the 21st century, and although I know some women still do it all, it's a mistake to create a pattern that soon becomes a precedent -- especially when you are offended by the expectation of being a domestic servant. If he were the total breadwinner, keeping a tidy home would be a fair exchange, but not taking his plate to the dishwasher, folding his crumpled wet towel from the floor of the bathroom, or gathering his used coffee cups by the computer. Set him straight, or give him back the ring in a box with a bow on it.