Dear Miss Emily:

This girl fell deeply in love with me in high school for
almost a year or more, but I wasn't in love with her at the
time. Even though I liked her too, for someone reason I didn't
start a relationship with her. After talking with her, I came
to believe I was unconsciously scared of a relationship because my parents
divorce and my addiction to alcohol. Almost 2 years later in college,
after visiting A.A. for the first time and calling my parents,
I had a mental break in which I was later diagnosed w/ bipolar disorder.
When I had this break, I felt completely different and realized I
loved her. An uncontrollable feeling rushed over me. My breathing
was so light and pure and I had an overwhelming feeling about her.
I knew this was love and I had to tell her. I had my mother
take me to see her at UVA. She and I hadn't been talking very
much over the 2 years. So when I got there, I talked to her
friends and had her meet me. I had a speech of what to say and
when I saw her I broke down and cried and told her that I loved
her. I told her I had gone to A.A. and realized I want to change
for the better. She told me she wants to be friends and see where
it goes from there. She also said I should follow through with A.A.
Since then, I have been sober for six months, but I haven't got
into the program of A.A. I really think I should get involved with
A.A. for myself. I want to be friends with her and I am just so glad
I have been able to meet someone as beautiful as she, but I still love
her and I want her back. I think if we can be friends, and I can show
her I've changed, maybe there is still some love in her heart for me?
Seen the Light

----------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------

Dear Seen:

You have gone through a terribly emotional time in the last few
years. I believe you when you say that you have had an epiphany
concerning this girl. But you know that you need to take the
steps to get to the place where you are comfortable with who
YOU are, and only then can you decide what you want in a
relationship. I get many letters from people who feel that they
can find all the answers they need if they could only hook-up
with a certain person. If you read my reply to the last letter
I wrote in this column, you will see that I told this girl
to pursue the love of another out of want rather than need.
I think you see the light at the end of this tunnel, through this
girl, and that she can help you get there. However, only you can
find the strength to get the help you need and cobble
a life together that will make you the person you want to be.
You can only reach this goal with your determination for a better
life. It cannot be dependent upon the approval of this girl. There's
the old saying, "You can't go home, again." This girl may never
be able to return to the feelings she once had for you, and you
cannot turn back the clock to take advantage of something that
was available then, but does not fit into the present. Work
on getting your life in order. AA focuses on a person's need
for God, and one's weakness in the face of drug and alcohol
addiction. It may work for you, but there are other treatment
facilites that are out there. Find the one that suits you. It
will be a tough road for you but, hopefully, you'll come to find
out that it is YOU who will set the course for your future. Life
is too short to dwell on the past. Find the strength to deal
with what lies ahead -- with or without this girl. Young or old,
never put all of your eggs in one basket.