Dear Miss Emily:
I was with this girl for almost 3 years (2 months shy of 3), and we went though a lot together. We worked together, then lived together, we had been through financial hell, 2 break ups, and even other things. We just broke up, and it was a mutual agreement, which I initiated. As the days passed, I wanted to fix things, while she got over me, and said she isn't interested in fixing things anymore. She is older, I am 22 and she is 25, and we started dating when i was 19. I keep thinking that the age factor finally caught up to her, and the fact that I was unemployed, and will still be in college while she begins her career in 2 months -- that these things solidified her choice in thinking I am too young. I also feel like she was being influenced by a friend who recently got out of a 7 year relationship, is her same age, and dates older guys who are more financially secure etc, so she was made to think "cut your losses, don't feel guilty, worry about yourself." She said she know how much I love, her, but she was in my position before, where she loved someone and begged them to stay, and said someone always gets hurt in a relationship. In other words, when I tried to fix things, she told me she's not interested, consoled me, swept me under the rug, and went out to party on New Years. She also said that it hurts me so much because it is my first break up. She was my first serious relationship, my first love.  I feel like she is pulling these things out of a textbook, and not really thinking about what I have to offer, and thinks that this is what she needs to do logically. I say this because december 3, while we were arguing, I mentioned how we were arguing a lot, but we ended the argument, and she sent a text saying "Don't give up on me, couples fight, I don't want to let you go, I love you," but then 2 weeks later she is completely over me?  I know I terror-texted her, and sounded really needy and cried, so I can see how she was mad an wanted to say "I made up my mind, you can't make me feel guilty, I know you love me, but I'm fine now, I dont want a relationship."  But also, people tell me that if I was with her for 3 years, there is no way she can throw out feelings that quick.  I am so confused.  There is more to this, but this is a summary.

---------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------

Your heartache is palpable in your words. You and this girl have gone through a lot together in these last few years, and it seems inconceivable that it would be over. But you are no fool and, unless you've lived in a cave all of your life, you know that these things happen everyday to other people, it's rarely easy, but they live to tell the story. I know her friend is now a free agent and you have a temptation to blame her for the choice your girlfriend made, but she really only offers a support system to what your girlfriend already feels is best for her at this time in her life. You want to believe that her words and actions are calculated to protect her true feelings, and some of that may be true. But it appears to me that, although you and she have broken up before, this may be the final blow -- irreparable. That said, leave her alone, for now. Start appearing like an emotionally strong, capable guy, and see if somewhere down the line she wants to revisit your relationship. You've lost a best friend, more than anything, and the void is agonizing. There is much to do in your life, but give yourself time to grieve -- and, then, plan for your future with or without her.