Dear Miss Emily:

I was married before and it did not go well (divorce). I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years and we we have both always avoided the getting married conversation. We have been living together for 7 of the 8 years. In the beginning of our relationship it was rocky and we decided to move out of state together and it had gone fine -- until recently when he ran into some of his old friends from were we used to live and the "hanging out" started. I am a very jealous person and am always wanting to know were he is and what he is doing. This time  I made it clear to him. I would not ask him the where, what and who questions and I would be okay with him "hanging out with his friends". He needed to do this right.  I did call on occasion and when he would not pick up I would get upset. At the end of Nov09, I discovered he had a 2nd cell phone hidden. I was very upset, kicked him and later he cried telling me it's all been a mistake and he would come clean with it all. He told me he was intimate with this one girl who was part of the 'hanging out group" who had also moved from where we originally were from. No one even knew I existed. He cried and said it was all a mistake and he would do what it takes to keep us together. We had planned, last year, for the new year we would redo kitchen, floors and even have a baby. I don't know what to do. I really love him and I keep thinking the worst on occacion. I've thought of what if he did not get caught how long would it continue?  Please advise.

---------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------

It's a fact, that after being cheated on, some people never forget. I have heard it said that there are those who forgive, yet never forget. I am of the school that says,  if you're going to forgive, you'd better forget if you think there's something worth saving. What he did was a horrible breach in your relationship, and I can understand you feeling as if you have second thoughts on anything you planned together for the future. Okay, you could put in a new floor, but the idea of having a baby must be put on hold. In a committed, trusting, honest relationship, all friendships should be inclusive, with few exceptions. His nostalgia for home and hanging out with the group should never have consistently excluded you and, because it did, that was a red flag from the get-go. He seems repentant and, although, predictable, I wouldn't throw him to the dogs, just yet. You have had a huge regression in this relationship and you need to play catch-up before you ever consider having a family with him. Yes, you are right, had you not seen that second cell phone, who knows how long it would have gone on? But you say you love him, you are smart, and without feeling as if you now need to become a certified private detective, keep your eyes and ears open while considering letting him attempt to regain your trust. Ultimately, only you know if this relationship is worth your effort to try and save it.