Dear Miss Emily:

I'm sure this comes up over and over again! I am 25 and my boyfriend is 27 and we have been dating for a year. He has this pretty friend from work that he talks to all the time via text and Facebook. He knows it bothers me. He says nothing is going on, but I just hate it when they are having a conversation because by texting, I have no idea what they are saying. On occasion they go out after work but rarely. They were friends before I came along, but i still hate it. It consumes me. I honestly think that she likes him but he is not interested back. He has told me that something could have happened, but never did. I've been cheated on before with a 'friend' and I am sure that is where it came from. I know its not fair because my current boyfriend is not my x. I bring it up to him often enough where he will get mad and I suppose rightfully so. I feel like he is choosing her over me because if it came down to it, I would go. I hate feeling this way I need help.

-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------

When it gets down to being in a committed relationship, it's not wrong to expect the person you are with to put you first, to limit text messages, to ANYONE when he is with you, and to include you in an opposite-sex friendship, when possible. You can't force him to feel differently, however, and it really comes down to what you want from the relationship, and if he is fulfilling key areas that hold meaning to you. You seem to blame yourself for your feelings and, to some degree, you may be courting trouble where none exist, but his behavior shows disrespect. You may be right, if you told him you would prefer him to limit his exchanges when you are around, he might tell you it isn't going to happen. But if someone told that to me, I think I'd say, "Well, you'll have all the time in the world to do so, now, because it's rude, and I'm out of here."  Jealousy is a useless emotion, because it doesn't get us anywhere but an angry inner-core, and a world of hurt. But I don't think you are wrong in asking for a little sensitivity in this case.  And because he shows none, that's a red flag for the future.