Dear Miss Emily:

I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now and we have been friends for more than 3 years.  I was previously married and started being intimate with my boyfriend before leaving my ex-husband.  I know this causes my boyfriend great insecurity and brings trust issues into our relationship that I don't think would be there otherwise. Our latest issue now, however, is he wants to go out with his friends and go on vacation with them while leaving me out of everything. I'm not sure why this is but it makes me feel insecure and that he's pushing me away.  We used to spend our weekends together and some weeknights as we could, but even that has tapered off because of work and me being in school. We do love each other and have a very deep and loving friendship as our foundation.  We both have insecurities and jealousy issues, but how do we keep these under wraps so they don't ruin what we've already built? I can't stand it when he's out and about without me. I'm afraid he'll find something better. I love this man -- even though he drives me crazy!

---------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------

I think you have to come to a point in your adult life where you have to understand that if something is going to happen, beyond your control, there isn't much you can do about it other than face it if it does happen. You can, however, decide if this is the kind of relationship you want -- where he goes out with his guy friends, goes on vacation with them, and thinks that's within his right.  He seems to want this freedom, and to object to it would only build resentment and eventual break-up. Trust is the cornerstone of any good relationship and if it's not there, insecurity rears its ugly head. The fact that you don't have it in this relationship is troubling, because a true committed relationship does not function on suspicion, or doubt. Keep in mind that if he wants to cheat, he'd find a way, night out with the boys, or not. Your best bet would be to let him know you do trust him, and you are to be trusted. Prove that you are a wise and self-assured person, and he should have no reason to look beyond the beautiful woman that is you. If that's not enough for him, he's not worth worrying yourself into an early grave.