Dear Miss Emily,

I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years and I've known him for 3 years. We both worked at the same place and were friends before we started dating. He's always been a nice guy, very trustworthy and dependable and we had a great relationship for a while. One of the things when we started dating was that we are both busy people and we promised that we had to make time for the other person. Fast forward to now where I barely see him, MAYBE once a week. I understand we are both in school and he is student teaching but he refuses to drive 7 minutes to my house to see me for 1/2 hour before I go to work, etc. It just seems like he doesn't want to work at, or be in this relationship. In September, I ended up getting very sick and had to go to the hospital as it looked like I had H1N1. He never came to the hospital because "his parents told him it was a bad idea" (did I mention he's 22?) and he was texting me while he was in his hot tub. I was pretty offended by this and I talked to him about it and he apologized and promised he would take care of me. Everything would be okay for a few days then it would go back to normal where he wouldn't text me and he didn't ask me to go on dates. It's just gotten so boring and I feel like I'm being taken for granted. What do you think I should do? I've been in this "rut" for over 6 months and have tried to fix it many times. I'm just at a loss, he's a great guy but I just don't think he's the best relationship material, and I can see him more as a friend now that I don't even feel like I'm dating him.

---------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------

I agree, this relationship is in a rut. You can't make someone care, or infuse him with sensitivity if that chip is, conveniently, missing. A text message from the hot tub to your hospital bed was, to put it mildly, insensitive. I can only imagine how you felt. You probably wondered, between coughing fits, what would it take to get him here, a coma?  A non-contagious disease driven one, of course. It seems that he is rather self-centered and has some growing up to do. Your relationship with him has become more friendship oriented, and I hope you are being honest when you wrote that this may be the best plan for you and him. How do you think he'd react if you were to suggest a no-strings relationship with no expectations and, perhaps, entertaining the idea of seeing other people? Of course, he could come back with "Well, if that's what you want" -- laying the decision making at your feet, so he's off the hook for any responsibility of getting it to this point. But something needs to be done, because you are hurt and unhappy. I think it's time for a change, and I'm pretty sure you are going to have to instigate it, no matter that he may feel the same.  If you do this, however, believe in it. Because he truly may be a guy who is no longer worth your time and effort.