Dear Miss Emily:

I am only 30 years old and have dated this girl for a little over
a month. She calls me several times a day, stays the night, is
very affectionate, etc. However, during that time I was clingy,
overly nice and complimentary, talked about our future and pressured
her to feel the same. She responded by saying she just can't go
at that pace and can't say the things I needed to hear like,
she misses me, thinks about me, likes me, etc. Now she has
ended it with me, and I was devastated -- crying to her and
saying please don't leave me, telling her that I was hurting
and wanted to be with her desperately. Well, I left 3 messages
with her yesterday morning and didn't contact her in the evening.
How can I get her back? She will probably call after she hasn't
heard from me in a couple days since she'll miss me.
Pushed her away


------------------Miss Emily's response------------------


Dear Pushed:

Is thirty the new ten? If not, you are old enough to know when
to back off after someone tells you that you're moving too fast.
Now you've tipped your hand, exposing yourself to being needy and
desperate. To say that this is unbecoming, is an understatement.
Is this a pattern? I ask only because to set yourself up like
this makes me think that you are not in control of your feelings.
You're not in a Neil Simon play where neurotic is seen as cute and
endearing. In the real world, you blew it, and I doubt whether
this woman wants to continue the relationship. If I'm wrong, and
she's up for round two, get a grip and, at least, try to show
some dignity and self-respect. I know emotions are running at a fever
pitch, but you have to keep them in check. Grow up, or go get the
professional help you need to uncover the root of why you think
you can pressure someone into loving you.