Dear Miss Emily:

My husband has been cross-dressing for about 5 years. It started with just occasionally wearing stockings, then shoes and underwear. After 3 and a half years, he decided he wanted to wear the whole lot including wig, false breasts and wigs. Also at this time he joined several support sites and through these sites he started exchanging photos of himself dressed but also performing other sexual acts. He also went away for weekends with men that he had met and was spending up to 7 hours a day on the Internet. I tried to talk to him  and explain that it was all getting too much and he needed to just slow down. He then became depressed, and about 6 months ago I agreed in the hope that that he would snap out of the depression -- but instead he started with all his old contacts started being secretive. Now, the only conversations we have are about dressing.  He is always in either stockings or toe nail polish, and all our weekends away he takes all the dreesing gear. When I discuss this and ask if we could have one day when he isn't wearing or talking about it, he looks so hurt. His depression hasn't improved even when wearing. I hate seeing him so unhappy. Am I asking for too much? All the support sites seem very pro- dressing and I don't know who else I could discuss this with. I would appreciate you advice.

-----------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------

While most sites may seem pro- cross dressing, it only matters how you cope with it. This has become an obsession with him, and at the expense of his marriage to you. You didn't sign on to this when you married him, and that's the issue. I don't know if you can afford marriage counseling, but that would be my first suggestion. If he won't go, I'd seek the help of a therapist on my own. If neither is possible, you're going to have to decide how much of this you can take before entertaining the idea of leaving him. It's a harsh reality but, again, if you had known this prior to the marriage, you might have passed on the "I do." I have nothing against people who engage in this activity, but it's not that person's right to expect people to accommodate them. Your husband has escalated this to the exclusion of most everything else, and his inability to consider what this is doing to you, borders on pity -- for you, and for him. His depression is a red flag, and he should seek a doctor's help for that alone. That said, you're not his mother, you're his wife -- however, in this case, you've been a saint.  Don't ever let anyone tell you marriage should be unconditional.  It isn't!  And this is a perfect example.