Hello Miss Emily, 

I was dating my bf for a year, but things have been rocky lately and we've been broken up since -- seeing each other occasionally to see if things can work out.  About a month ago, he and I went out and had a wonderful night, but then I unintentionally offended him.  I told him that I wasn't down to have sex.  That set him off, telling me that I was calling him a perv, that I had insulted/disrespected him.  As the night continued, and he gave me attitude and refused to hold my hand, we got into another big fight for the stupidest thing.  Long story short, on the ride back home to drop me off, I told him that I couldn't do this anymore (he has a tendency of saying insulting things to me when he's mad, and I don't like it, it hurts).  He went ahead and SPIT on me several times.  I felt like it was a total lack of respect.  I swore to never speak to him, again, but I ended up doing so because someone really close to his family passed away.  I've been seeing him again, lately, and he feels like absolute shit about what he did.  He's scrambling to do whatever he can to make it up to me and change.  Is this even worth it?  I don't know what to do anymore -- if I should go back, or if I should move forward.  I know it may seem like an "obvious" answer, but it's very difficult to make decisions when you're in the situation.  Thanks in advance.

--------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------

No, often time there isn't an easy answer because, when emotions are involved, the gray areas loom large. Humans are also gifted with an element of hope. It's what gets most of us out of bed in the morning. You have a history of problems with this man, and I would assume that many of the difficulties you encountered then, are the same ones you are encountering now. Change is hard, and it's usually done only when the individual is sure it benefits him (her) -- more than someone else. The spitting is not only disrespectful but, in my book, a deal breaker. That exhibits an anger that runs deep, and I don't know if he can fix this unless he admits there is a deep-seated problem and is willing to get help for it. I would suspect, and let me know if I'm right, that he may have issues with his mother. Or perhaps his father was verbally abusive to his mother.  If true, is he also derogatory when speaking about women, in general? If I am even close to the truth, any real success is this relationship will be limited. Forewarned is forearmed, and as soon as trouble rears its ugly head, again, dump him.