Dear Miss Emily: 

I'm 17 years old, and my boyfriend is 20. We have been together for a year. I love him with all my heart, he always tells me how much he loves me, wants to marry me, be with me, have kids with me, etc. He lives about 45 minutes away, I don't get to see him much. I see him about once a month. He doesn't have a cell phone so he uses his mom's, so I'm not too worried about him talking to other girls. He's getting a job soon and is trying to move close to me. Last September I looked at one of his ex girlfriends pictures on Myspace. He left a comment on one of them saying she was hot. I totally freaked out and called him crying. He said he doesn't remember ever doing that and to just calm down. I made him give me his e-mail and password to his Myspace. I looked in his messages and back in June & July he was talking to his ex and this other girl saying that he has been trying to break up with me so many times but its hard because I always cry and he just can't do it. I really started crying and told him what I saw. I told him I was going to break up with him and he started crying and said he was sorry, and he said that he doesn't remember doing it. He doesn't know why  he did it or anything. I told him if he wants to break up with me then do it. He says he doesn't want to and he loves me, and that he wants to be with me forever. All of this happened months ago, but it still gets to me. I still bring it up every once in a while and it upsets him. He says he is trying everything to prove to me that he loves me. He knows I don't trust him and I honestly do think that he is trying to prove to me that it wont happen again. As far as I know, he doesn't talk to them. It still hurts to this day and I have a really hard time letting the past go. I'm scared its going to happen again. He swears to me up and down that it won't, but there is still that doubt. I cry about it all the time. I honestly do love him with all my heart, and I can't imagine my life without him. We plan on getting married next year, but I really don't know what to do -- if I should just let it go, or keep holding on to that grudge. I don't know what to ask him, or what to say to him to know the truth. I want to know if he really does love me, or if I really can trust him. Advice?

-----------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------

No, you can't hold on to the grudge, because that would drive your relationship completely into the ground. I'm surprised he gave you his password so you could see past posts. It makes little sense to me, but he either wasn't aware you could see what he has said in the past, or he was sincere in his desire to reassure you he's changed his mind about you. What he said was not pleasant to read, I'm sure.  But it's a reality, and since you can't change the past, it seems fruitless to constantly lay a guilt trip on him in order to prevent future problems. It's demeaning to both of you. He seems a bit weak, because he has allowed you to do this, not to mention his duplicity as recent as this last summer. And you seem to be a tad controlling. Marriage at your age, statistically, spells failure.You don't want to marry someone with whom you have trust issues, and he shouldn't want to marry, figuratively speaking, a parent who monitors his every move. I think you should stop talking about marriage, show each other that you are capable of having an equal, trusting relationship (that will take more time to nurture) and enjoy each other rather than have this heavy drama. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but a year is too soon to be making marriage plans at your age, and with your concerns. Marriage can be challenging enough when you have all your ducks in a row -- miserable when you don't.