Dear Miss Emily:

I've been married for 12 years now and have three kids with my wife. My wife recently confessed to me that she had been chatting with her ex-boyfriend off and on for several months on Facebook, and that she felt like she had crossed a line. However, she wouldn't get into specifics. Anyway, she deleted him as a friend. However, they kept e-mailing each other, periodically, via Facebook. When I logged onto my computer, a message from him popped up on the screen, and before I could read it, she hurried and shut down the computer. She told me it was innocent, but deleted it and never let me see it, but the subject line was "Hey Babe."  Anyway, I asked her to block him from contacting her, which she did, but it made her very angry. She said she felt like I was controlling her. I told her if she was willing to share the e-mails, I wouldn't have a problem, but she said that was putting her under a microscope. Anyway things seemed to normalize after a few days, and I stopped worrying about it. However, the other day, I logged into my browsing history to find a video I couldn't remember the URL for, and found that she had been using my Facebook account to look at his page as well as logging onto his Myspace every day for the past week. Does she still have feelings for him? Should I be threatened? I feel like an idiot, like I'm being played. Am I?

-------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------

Oh how hypocritical your wife could be if you decided to do the same -- corresponding with an ex-girlfriend. It's clear she has some feeling for him, whether it's a nostalgia trip, curiosity, or a new desire to have an outlet by corresponding with a man, other than you! But you can't keep her from doing this because, although she's been careless in the past, or has a lack of computer skills, she can hide her footprints pretty easily in the future if she makes a concerted effort. I think you should make it clear to her that you find this troubling because it's not out of the realm of possibility this relationship could escalate, although you know at this point she doesn't think that to be true. And she'll say: "But you don't trust me."  And you say, "Your secretive nature is the reason. He's an ex, not a gossipy cousin."   It's not a control issue. You haven't seen the correspondence, and that is justifiably troubling. You feel bad about it, and that, alone, is reason for her to take a look at her behavior.