Dear Miss Emily:

My boyfriend of almost 2 years, about 2 months ago said out of the blue that he really needed to detach for a while, take some time to himself to work through the pressures at work and some other things with his family. He was very vague though. I tried to be patient, but after so long felt I needed reassurance that our relationship was not in question to him, as well. I got to a point where I pushed so hard for answers I was not getting and he did not want to talk, so I told him to come pick up his things because I could not do this anymore. I also accused him of cheating and he got very angry. Since that time, about a month ago, we have still had very civil and normal conversations, and he was not angry or upset with me. ( keep in mind he did not want to see me at all during this time and most of his communication with me was through text messages).  About a week ago, I finally asked him if we were broken up, on a break, or just what was going on with us. He has been very cold and almost mean to me since then, and said he had considered us broken up for a month when I told him to get his stuff - even though he was still calling me, etc. He is now not coming by to pick up his stuff or drop off his key and saying things like - I will just send someone to get my stuff - I'm going out of town...just to get a reaction out of me.  In my heart, I feel like us not being together is what he really wants, but I have not been able to get him to talk....any advice on this?

-----------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------

It seems to me that talking isn't his strong suit, at least when it comes to being totally honest about this separation. I see that he's confused, but family issues, and work stress is usually more palatable when a loving person is by your side. I think he's having questions about his relationship with you, but he can't admit it. You've done nothing wrong, but it might be that he's questioning his commitment, at this time, and wants this break to settle his feelings of discontent. That's okay, but he didn't put all the cards on the table it seems to me.  Since he isn't willing to say these things, and conveniently turned himself into the victim when you told him to come get his things (not because you really wanted it, but out of anger), it looks like he's placed the ball in your court. In other words, the decision is now up to you as to what to do. It's hard, because I am sure you love him and this came "out-of-the-blue" or you ignored the warning signs. If you want to lob the ball back in his court, you can always tell him you made this decision out of anger, and your real concern has always been more about losing him than anything else.  If he continues his snit, it means he's doing what he wanted to do all along, but is now willing to blame you for the outcome.