Dear Miss Emily:


I am 41 years old, and have been on my own for the past 9 years.
I am a single mom (widow)of 2 wonderful boys. I truly wish and
desire a loving, and fulfilling relationship. Now, I met a nice
guy and, after going out with him a few times, he admitted to being
still married; although he has filed for a divorce. It seems
they are arguing about the settlement. From what he tells me
this has been going on for more than a year. They still live
in the same house -- not sure about sharing a bedroom. I like him
a lot and am sure we could have a great relationship, if only he
would be available. I see him seldom (only when it is convenient
for him) and never over a weekend. He has not introduced me to
any of his friends, etc. His family does not even know of me.
It is all very secretive. I went to dinner with another man, and my
"married friend" is upset as he does not want me to see other men.
Yet, he does not fulfill my needs - attention, companionship, etc.
What do I do?
Second in Line

---------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------


Dear Second:

I have no problem with a woman seeing a man who is not yet
divorced. That is, if he's living in his own place, the proceedings
are truly underway, and he has no qualms about introducing his new
love interest to friends and family. But his story is, he's
still deeply entangled in a marriage, albeit troubled, with a
settlement still being hashed out. And available only when he can
sneak it in. That sucks! If he looks and acts like Brad Pitt, stick
with it, by all means; even if you only see him 20 minutes, every
other month. However, if he's just a guy who's trying to burn the
candle at both ends, do yourself a favor and extinguish your flame.
This gets messy and more frustrating as time goes on. You wait,
he has a million excuses, ad infinitum. The kids like him and
want him in their lives, but he's frequently absent. You get older,
and you've missed other opportunities because, now, you're deeply in
love with him and you end up staying with it, unfulfilled, having few
of your needs met, and little to no companionship -- what you knew you
wanted in the beginning but somehow forfeited along the way. It's
your call, but if I were you, I'd date whomever I wanted
(despite his objections) and, maybe, hook up with him when he's
free in two to five years.