Emily,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months. At first we were fine, and the relationship seemed perfect. As time went by, I started seeing his negatives. I trust him that he doesn't do anything, but I don't know if he feels the same about me . He doesn't go to school -- he works, but I go to college. We're in a long distance relationship, and I visited him for the summer and now that I have to go back home, and school starts.  His fear is that I'm always going to be around boys, and he starts an argument with me about it like a week before school started and wants to break up with me just be because I'm in school and I'm going to be around a bunch of guys. I told him that, yes, I have guy friends but it doesn't mean I'm going to cheat on him.  I know that I would never do that to him.. Time passes and I feel like I pushed away all my friends and stopped doing the things I like to do just because of him. I recently had help from a guy with homework because I didn't understand the material, and I told my boyfriend. He went off on me just because it's a guy and said I lied to him because I said I won't be around guys when I'm in school.  I feel really bad because I don't want him to get upset but, at the same time, I feel like I stopped who I was just for him.  Another problem is that I'm the type of person  who loves to socialize and meet new people -- . not guys, I just I just like making new friends in general.  I'm emotionally attached to him. I don't want to let him go because he's a really good guy and will basically do anything for me.  I'm scared to let him go. What should I do?

------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------


I never like when I read sentences like the last two I read in your e-mail: "I don't want to let him go."  "I'm scared to let him go."  That indicates to me that you might be in for more of the same, no matter what I tell you.  But I'm the kind of person who still likes to try.  This guy is jealous for all the reasons people get jealous -- he can't control the situation -- he's insecure, therefore threatened.  Of course you're going to be around people in school. And it's all right for you to get help from male students.  If he really knew you, and was a stand-up guy, he would not lay an unjustifiable guilt-trip on you because he can't watch you like a hawk. Gee, you're a student, getting a good education (you slut you!).  And he has the nerve to want to break up with you because you're going back to school and his fragile ego can't take it?  I don't know, he must have some more good qualities that you failed to mention in your e-mail, but I wish you had --   because right now I'm thinking you could do better -- a lot better. That said, call his bluff.  "You want to break up with me and make me feel terrible for things I haven't done?  Fine. But I think it's a mistake.  I love you, and you love me and, I promise, if that changes, you'll be the first to hear it.  End of discussion! "  Now you've let him know you won't take any more of his nonsense, and you've given him the assurance that he's still number one.  If he keeps it up the bad behavior, tell him he's fired and don't ask you for a recommendation.  By the way, if you gave up friends and stopped doing the things you want to do, that's your fault!