Dear Miss Emily:

I have been married for nine months. My husband and I were both previously engaged and we've been pretty open about our past relationships. We're both very religious, and we do not date in our culture. After our engagement, he told me that his ex had called him for something. At that point, I really didn't make much of it because I simply didn't care. However, last month, while we were talking, he finally told me that he had actually met her online and they even went out a couple of times. Now, that one hurt because I wasn't aware that they had a history like that. They'd hang out in public places without anyone knowing (in secrecy).  After telling me that, I'm annoyed now over the fact that she had called him. I know it's in the past and he does love me. That I'm sure of because he can't lie to me and he's been very open with everything. I mean, I admire that he told me that she had called him after we got engaged.  However, the devil does play with one's mind. I tend to space out and just think horrible thoughts at times and get emotional over it.  If she called him again, or is she trying to get in touch with him again through e-mails, chats, etc.?  I've been open with him and told him that its been bothering me and we had a good conversation and he's promised to always tell me (keeping in mind that I've been very open with him with all my discussions in regards to life, ex, etc.). This might be trivial, but I can't seem to stop thinking about it. He's also quite down because he knows he hurt me somehow.  Do note one thing in all this. After they broke off their engagement, and while things were just starting between us - she did call him to try and patch things up again. What do you recommend me to do?

------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------


Okay, he broke a cultural boundary with this woman prior to your meeting him and he admitted it. He has a conscience, and it speaks well of him that he was able to confess this to you.  Keep in mind, he's not responsible for this woman calling him, but he can stop it (because it's hurtful to you) if it ever happens again. He can sever all ties without thinking he's being offensive. Sometimes men have trouble understanding that fact. Open communication is key in a successful marriage, and that seems to be happening in your marriage. Lucky you!  Let it go, now, before it festers into something totally irrational. You must realize that you cannot change what went before, nor can he.