Dear Miss Emily:

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me in June of '07. We had dated for close to 5 years. Without her knowledge, I was actually in the process of looking for engagement rings with the intent of proposing to her that Fall. She went on vacation to visit relatives for a week and ended up talking with one of their friends. When she came back, she broke up with me 2 weeks later so that she could continue talking with him. They continued talking and ended up getting engaged and then getting married in the same week sometime in March of '08. She and I hadn't talked since we broke up, until I sent flowers to her mother due to the passing of her husband. Through talking with her, I found out that she was in the process of getting divorced. She also told me that she's sorry numerous times, and that she always thought about me almost everyday during her courtship with the other man. I feel it's necessary to tell you that I broke up with her due to meeting another woman sometime in '05, but that only lasted a month and, soon after, my ex and I got back together. We now talk somewhat off and on but now she wants to meet over the Thanksgiving holiday. I am extremely nervous about this meeting. I guess the reason I am nervous is because despite what she did to me, I still love her very much. I guess I want to maybe get back with her, but I am conflicted about that because of the warning in my heart due to what happened and the geographical distance between us. I guess what I am asking is, How do I approach this situation when it comes? And since I will be nervous about the meeting, is it a good idea to go out for coffee or a better idea to go out for drinks? Any help or advice is much appreciated! I hope you have a great day!

---------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------


You have a long history with this woman, and it seems you are eager to get together with her come turkey time, despite some trepidation. Coffee or drinks?   If you're going to be a nervous wreck, alcohol could break the ice, but coffee could keep you alert!  Your call on that one. How you approach this is with a rational mind, and a wait-and-see until it happens.  The old saying "you can't go home, again" may apply, and you might realize after seeing her that this ship has sailed. She was extremely hasty in her marriage, that is obvious, and I know you are concerned about that impulsive move and her ability to cut ties with you so easily. That sends a red flag my way, as well.  But you might see she has a new insight to life as a result of her experience and, for that reason, it's worth the observation. This is only a get-together at this stage, so don't put the cart before the horse. Man-up, relax, enjoy the evening, and weigh her words carefully. Write back to me as soon as you've had your meeting. You'll have better insight, and I'll have more to offer based on what transpired.  Good luck.