Dear Miss Emily:

My boyfriend and I have a respectful, loving relationship. He is a very caring man and, at times, this can be his downfall. His ex-girlfriend has recently begun to text and call him again. She sends him "inside jokes" from when they were together, tells him all about her new boyfriend, yet never asks about his new relationship, and makes constant attempts to worry him about her well-being. She has even made catty comments regarding his happiness with me. We have a very understanding relationship, and I have expressed my distaste for her due to her lack of respect for our relationship. They attempted to maintain a friendship in the beginning of our relationship, and it resulted in her begging for him back, and him cutting off contact with her. Since she has tried to rekindle a "friendship" with him, he'll politely respond with short answers, occasionally, and other times ignore her. I trust him fully, and he has done nothing to make me think he wants her back, and insists he wants no friendship with her, he simply wishes her the best. My issue with this, is that she shows no signs of backing off in any way, no matter how little he answers, she's always pressing for more. He says she will eventually get the hint, and fade out. I never want to be controlling, and demand he cut off any communication, since he's done nothing wrong. Is this an issue I should address now? Or trust his judgment and wait until she "gets the hint?"

----------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------


But she doesn't seem to get the hint!  His being "polite" and answering her, occasionally, is enough to encourage her to maintain a presence in his life. He should know better, and  he should know her better. She's said some not-so subtle things about his relationship with you, and her resurgence of interest in him is questionable. If you have the relationship you say you have, I see no reason for him to have any contact with her based on what you have told me. She won't stop breathing if he cuts her off.  Playing the role of "Mr. Nice Guy" is often at the expense of others -- and in this case, that means you! The problem with not addressing this, now, is that it will continue to fester. I would ask him to stop all contact because it is hurtful to you. If he doesn't understand why, and he's not willing to do this, he isn't the man you believe him to be.