Dear Miss Emily: My boyfriend and I have been together just shy of a year. The first 4 months was long distance, and during this time I didnt meet his family, he would drive down and spend a weekend or two a month with me and leave early Monday. The problem is that during this time his mother, stepfather and sister, somehow decided that they dont like me, and that I am no good for their son/brother. While he and I were apart, I sent him packages and letters and he told me that sometimes his mother would make rude comments about me sending things and other times would say it was very sweet. Finally, they had a large fight about him and me talking on the phone and texting (to keep in touch) and asked him to get rid of his phone, and me, for that matter, or to get out; at which time he drove 6 hours in the middle of the night and has been living with me and my family since. My family and him get along great. After he left he didnt talk to them for a few months and then his mother moved into their vacation home (about 20 minutes away from where he and I live) and started calling him and texting. him. at first he answered politely and said he just didnt have time with work and everything, He started going over to help her with things and to spend time with her, and this is my problem: His mother hates me to the point that he had to move out of his home, and that after about a year of dating she has no interest in meeting me and still tries to convince him that I'm no good and he needs to break up with me and move back home. This hurts me so much, not only does it seem to me that he isnt standing up for me or trying to explain to them that they need to accept me, but it seems like he doesnt care at all that they hate me. I've tried to talk to him and he always says "i dont see why you need to have a relationship with them anyway" or "You shouldnt care what they think." A few weeks ago he asked me to marry him, and I said yes. I'm so happy. He is a helpful, loving, caring man. but how can I marry someone whose parents hate me, and doesnt see a problem with it? i keep thinking about my future children, and how his family's hatred for me will affect them, and he either doesnt see it or doesnt care. What can I do to fix this problem or make it somewhat tolerable? I've thought about going and talking to her or trying to call, but when i tried to e-mail his sister she basically threatened me and called me horrible things like "homewrecker" and "whore" so i wouldnt feel comfortable going to see them. Thank you so much. ----------------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------------------------------------- First off, I feel sorry for you. But pity is not the answer. You should not marry a man who will not stick up for you against a family that unreasonably hates you. He can't be Switzerland, and be neutral on this. When you marry, the spouse must defend and protect the other against this type of behavior. Now that's not to say that person has to roll over and play dead. He or she should not allow a spouse's irrational demands. But you are not the kind of person to make them, it seems and, therefore, he cannot straddle the fence on this all-important matter. Until he is able to remedy this by standing up for you -- and that means making the tough decisions that go with taking a firm stance, you should hold off on any plans to marry. He has to give his family an ultimatum that they either welcome you as his lifelong partner, or he will see them only on occasion and necessity. If you were to marry without solving this rather unfortunate problem, it would only cause emotional damage throughout your marriage and, it will, no doubt end acrimoniously.