Dear Miss Emily:

I really dont know how to start this, so I'm just gonna let it
come out. I can't even really call her my girlfriend. We're
together, but we're not "together." We dated a long time ago,
but she ended it after a month. When I asked why, she said we
rushed into things, which is completely understandable. We
argued for the longest time, and she finally said we can try
and work things up again. So it's been a few months, and we've
been okay to each other. Lately, though, she's been saying I
love you and all these things, and so I thought we worked through
our problems. This is one question: I'm still not sure if I should
ask her back out again. Also, I feel like she plays a lot of
games with me. I'm not entirely sure if she is or not. I tell
my guy friends whats going on, and they say a lot of the same
things. They say, "Wow, I can't believe she is doing this to you!"
I'm extremely in love with this girl, and I can honestly picture
us together for the rest of our lives, but a lot of people say
that I'm obsessed over her. I've got many pictures of her and I
talk about her a lot. I'd literally do anything for her, but does
this mean I am obsessed? I don't know what else to do. One day,
I feel like she loves me and the next I can get a completely
opposite feeling from her. My life has changed completely since
I met this girl. I'm not sure if this is good, but I feel that
I will lose her totally, if I stay how I was. As for our current
situation, we're not together, officially, but we act like we are.
I don't understand what to do in this position. We do EVERYTHING
a couple does, but she still considers herself single. She
calls it our "thing." I know it's stupid, but am I wrong for
wondering how many other guys she's done this with? I'm 110%
confident I am the only guy, but for some reason, I can't help
but think it. Another problem is distance. We live about 30-40
miles away, and a lack of a car, on my part, is keeping us
from seeing each other regularly. Many people give me rides over
there, but it's becoming increasingly hard, and I fear the worst
when I won't be able to see her at all. I feel like things between
us could be hundreds of times better, if I could see her often,
but it's just not happnening. Another problem is my parents. They
don't approve of her, because she's two years younger than I am.
This makes it EXTREMELY hard to be with her. I turn eighteen
in March, but I can't wait that long to see her as much as I
need to. My last problem is this: I'm leaving for the Navy in
July of next year. I'm scared out of my mind of what'll happen
after this. I feel that if I'm not 100% with her, then she'll
forget about me totally. Thanks in advance.
Miles from nowhere

---------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------


Dear Miles:

When the heart wants what the heart wants, sometimes logic gets
lost and insanity steps in. This girl is fifteen? She lives
miles away and you still want control over the situation? I
remember when I was this age. Emotionally, I was all over the
map. The word love was tossed about like balls on a tennis
court. Was it true, meaningful, commitment love? No. But I
thought it was, and the maturity it took to realize it, was
the missing component. Do this: See her when you can,
but don't make it a life or death issue. I would stake my life
on the fact that after you enter the Navy, the world will open
up to you, and she will, eventually, become a distant memory. Yes,
you may want to hold on once you've set sail, but your life will
change, dramatically, and if you mature in the way I think you
will, you'll come to understand that trying to hold on to a
relationship that is precarious, at best, is futile. It's hard
to grow up at seventeen and see the writing on the wall. But
don't blame this fifteen year-old girl for her "game playing."
She is young, and probably doesn't know from one moment to the
next how she really feels. SO... put the brakes on this runaway
train, and see the relationship for what it is. Have some fun and
and stop analyzing this ad nauseam. Make no promises for the future,
and expect none, because that would be silly. In the Navy, you'll
be required to move from boy to man. A "real man" doesn't play games,
nor does he accept game playing from others. How you handle this
will be the true test of your mettle. Learn from the experts and teach
by example. Good luck in your military experience. You are
very brave to be entering the service at a time when this country is
at war.