Dear Miss Emily:

My fiance and I have been together for eighteen months . I live in Georgia and he's in NC. I went to visit him and when his ex-father-in-law came over to drop off his kid he told me to hide. He says he loves me, and that he was sorry but he didn't mean it, So I broke up with him. In the past, when we break up, I would call and call him. But this time he hurt me so bad. He always puts the blame on me when we break up. I know that I have been wrong in the past, and I try to change everything to keep him. I love him. I want him to know that he can't treat me any way he wants.  I want to make us work, and I do want him back, but I want him to think that it's really over so he may change. What should I do?

------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------

 Did  he ask you to hide because of his inability (weakness) to settle his past, and admit he has a new life with you -- or because you feel you somehow embarrass him?  Probably the former, but you did not say if he gave you a reason for his action.  That said, if you cut him off, yes, he will know you mean business.  But are you ready to accept him cutting you out of his life, if that's what he chooses to do?  I hope so because, the way it stands now, to back off (if you truly feel in the right) is the only thing to do.  Hoping he changes is a false start on the road to happiness. You think you feel bad under the present circumstances, but if he doesn't treat you like a respected equal and can't even introduce you to certain people, accepting the status quo will destroy your emotional stability to the point of powerlessness. He may have felt he'd face a backlash from the ex (although his son saw you), but if that's the case, he still isn't ready to have a fiancee.  Somehow, deep-down, you must feel you're doing the right thing by not accepting less than what you want out of a relationship, let alone a man whom you want to marry.  It's up to you to go after finding someone who fulfills your wants and desires.  If he's not the one who can do this, find someone else who can.