Dear Miss Emily:

I have been seeing this guy who is 8 yrs younger than me for almost a year now. (he also lives with me). But, recently, I have been pushing away from him. Also, the guy I am with now was a rebound from a former fling that I was totally in love with. Well my former fling is back around and I know that he really cares about me but does not want to admit it. (He says it in subtle hints) My boyfriend is also very close to my children and I do not want to hurt them or him. He is a good person, but I believe that we moved too fast in our relationship. How do I tell him that its just not working, without him hating me or maybe there is something I can do to try and fix the relationship -- although I know he is not who I am completely in love with? I love him but not as much as I love the other one.

-------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------


Like it or not, you have to tell him how you feel.  It's one of those moments when your heart is in your stomach and you want to do everything but be honest. You'd rather have a magician solve the problem without you having to get your hands dirty. Who wouldn't want that? You don't have to destroy the kids, or him over this, but they would be worse off if they saw their mom frustrated because she can't take control of her life. If it's rent you need, find a female roommate to pick up the slack. If he's going to get hostile over your need to distance yourself, at this point in time, than he's looking at his own set of needs without taking yours into consideration.  Do not be hasty and jump back into the old relationship. The same old problems may surface, in time, and that is where your kids will suffer.  They would see their mom as unstable and flighty.  That's unfair to them, and it diminishes your credibility.  You want out from under this guy.  His friendship and relationship to your children is not enough to carry on as usual.  Avoid keeping him around for your own convenience.  It's hard, but it's time for you to stand on two strong, emotional feet.  Act in haste, repent in leisure.