Dear Miss Emily:

Oh, where to start with my ordeal. About 8 months ago I split up with my ex fiancee. For about 6 months before we broke up, I had a suspicion that she and a co-worker had something going on. Between the constant phone calls, daily, and the texts between the two of them it was too much. And then on Halloween night we were out with some friends and we were going through the pictures we took on her camera and we (mean me and my friends) came across a picture of my fiancee and her co-worker in my bed (clothed) on one of the weekends I was away on business. For me, this was the last straw and I broke it off that night and asked her to move out. Well, since we were both in the lease I had to evict her with took 30 days so we lived together for a month after the fact. During that time things weren't bad, we did still sleep together (I know you are never supposed to do that) and we still enjoyed each others company. She also tried many times to tell me she would change, but I had always said you only get once chance. Well, the time came and she had to move out, it got a little rougher after that and we obviously talked less and less as the weeks went by. By about February, we were really only talking online and had not seen each other in over a month. The healing process was taking place and it seemed to be getting easier every day. Then in March came a real blow to the heart. I found out that she started dating that co-worker almost right after she moved out and was living with him and had been for almost a month. When I confronted her, she said they "weren't a couple and were only roommates." I, of course, didn't believe her and, knowing what I did, it set me back, again, and I feel back into a minor depression. Thanks to all my wonderful friends I was able to pull out of it, but I told myself I was done talking to her and dealing with the lies. Well, I wish I could say the story ends there,but, then, I wouldn't be writing this question if it were that easy. We still did talk here and there, but the conversation's would usually end up bad and we wouldn't talk for another 2 weeks, or so. Well, recently (in the past month), we have talked more and more and have opened up to each other. I can't lie, I am still crazy about her.  After 9 months, she is still on my mind all the time.  I have had 2 other girlfriends since her, and they were wonderful girls but they weren't her. She finally came clean and admitted that same thing, that she is only with him cause she can't stand being single and he was available. Obviously, I am weary of that excuse but then I have to remind myself of the childhood she had (a family member of hers couldn't keep his hands to himself when she was a child), and the damage that it did to her. I am still unsure if she actually cheated on me with her co-worker as I never saw it but I do know that at the very least she had an emotional affair with him. We have talked just about everyday, now, for a month and of course we get along a lot better now that we are open and honest. The kicker is, lately I have run in to her in the strangest places and I can't help but wonder if I am supposed to. We live many miles apart and, yet, I am still running into her here and there. Just this past weekend on my way into the city on the train (I went at the last minute to spend the weekend with a friend), she got on the same train??? I guess my question is can this ever work again?I am weary of the whole situation, not to mention what my family and friends would say to it but I can't help how I still feel. She was everything to me and meant so much to me. Is it still to early and I haven't healed yet, or are we meant to be?  Please help....

--------------Miss Emily's advice---------------

First of all, I'm not a big believer in "meant to be" so you can't really pull me into that. A lot of meant-to-be relationships have ended in divorce court. As far as knowing why you have run into her so often, who can say?  She may know your routine and is suddenly there for that reason.  I think you absolutely cannot jump back into this relationship without taking it at a pace that would make some people bored to tears, and others fall asleep. Marriage is a serious undertaking, and your ex-fiancee, as you are well aware, was not ready for marriage.  I do know she is living with a man who probably thinks she is being faithful to him when, indeed, she is not by keeping in touch with you.  Sound familiar? Her childhood experiences was cruel, of course, but that does not mean it is an endless excuse for being unfaithful, or unable to create lasting bonds. Therapy is available to her, and if she hasn't worked on being sexually abused, as a child, she should.  She may have some incredible aspects to her personality, and this is what you love. But there is something that wasn't right, you found out about it (thank goodness), and it is a legitimate reason to question any future with her.  She said she could change, after you found out about the co-worker, but change is something that takes work, beyond belief. It is not words that do it, but an intense effort to get to the core of a problem and be willing to face it head on. She quickly moved in with this co-worker because she said she hated being single. Well, that might be why she wanted to marry you.  If not wanting to be single supersedes true love and commitment, her attitude is incredibly distorted and does not lend itself to successful relationships. I'm not telling you to end this completely, but this is something that needs true evaluation and introspection.  And if you do get back together, make sure that you spend mega-hours in couples therapy before moving into anything close to marriage.  Let me know how this turns out.