Dear Miss Emily:

 I'm a successful 23 year old guy.  I'm tall, muscular and good looking. I feel I'm fairly outgoing and fun to be with. I have several interesting hobbies, and I drive a nice car. Over all, I feel I have things together in my life and I'd make a great boyfriend. My problems are almost exclusively with women. Most women won't make eye contact with me for more than a second and often look down. They are usually very quiet, uninterested and almost rudely distant when I approach them. The few that are open to me, usually, don't give me their number, give me a fake one or stand me up. The very few I end up dating, or having relationships with, turn out to be unstable and generally are incompatable with me. I don't consider myself to be awkward or creepy. I am not an insecure pushover.  I know what I want and try to go after it. I can carry an interesting conversation and can get some girls to be flirty with me but, usually, not the ones I'm interested in...so whats my problem? Why do men who are less attractive, successful and interesting than I am get the "7,8, 9,and 10's", while I can barely get the time of day from a average woman. Any help or advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks

-------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------

Maybe you don't fit into your skin as well as you think you do.  But I can only go over some of the obvious (not knowing you, personally) things that can be a turn-off to most women: bad breath (poor hygiene, in general); guys who come off "too cool" (it looks like they are trying too hard, and it's phony ); dress inappropriately for the occasion; talk too much about themselves -- and are not good listeners; guys who are unable to know when they are striking out; guys that seem insecure, needy and nervous from the get-go -- ask too many questions. Now, you are saying, none of this is the case with me, so now what?  You may be pursuing the wrong people in the wrong places. I don't know where you hang out, but if it's a bar, after work, those places are meat markets where you usually get one-night-stands, or find people who are in the same position as you -- looking, but come up empty.  If you have many interests, look for woman who also have those interests.  If it's sports, join a mixed-gender team.  If it's jogging, join a jogging group.  Find groups or clubs that have your interests and, I am sure, you will meet women who take a strong interest in you. You may be overestimating the success of others in the places where you pursue women.  Again, check the areas I mentioned in the beginning of this letter. But also remember, if you want a woman of substance, you need to put yourself in areas where you will find one. Because men of substance don't hang out in places where the criteria for getting lucky is swilling a Jack and Coke, listening to music that interferes with conversation, and constantly scanning the room for that one, hot babe. You get my drift.  You're only 23.  Give yourself time to get the hang of it.