Dear Miss Emily:

My current situation is this. I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years now. I love her so much. She loves me so much. We have a lot in common, but we also have a lot that separates us. When we're together, just the two of us, I'm the happiest person in the world. Other times, I just feel like we should not be together. I tried to end things with her but she cried and it broke my heart. I love her. She said "I don't want this to be the last time we talk, or we hug, or anything."  It is true, I don't want to not hug her like we do now ever again. We call each other and talk like 20 times a day, mainly through text messaging but normally phone calls at lunch time and always before bed. We're both 24 and very busy with work/school so we don't get to spend a ton of time together. But anyways, I can't break up with her. I cannot hurt her like that. The reason I want to do it is because I'm just not sure if she is the right one for me. She could be, but I have doubts. This is my first real long term relationship. I have dated girls before but never committed to anyone like I have to her. I just don't know what to do. I can't stand hurting her, but I also don't know if I really do want to end it with her. She is a great girl but also kind of nuts. When I tried to say I wanted to end things, she wouldn't let me. She said, "no, we're not breaking up."  I have a feeling she would do something nuts if we broke up which is part of the reason why I want to break up with her, because she thinks acting like that is okay. She doesn't act like that on a regular basis, or often for that matter. She does, however, get really mad and disregard everyone else and act like a bitch, for lack of a better word. But other times she is the sweetest human being on earth. She is going to meetings with a counselor because she has been depressed, lately, because of our relationship. I'm also in counseling because I have jealousy issues which with the help of some anxiety meds have slightly subsided.  I need help!

----------------Miss Emily's advice---------------

These are moments when a little shallowness looks appealing, right?  You are an emotional, caring individual and that carries with it some heartache during a lifetime.  That said, you have a sense of your true feelings about this girl, and some of them are troubling.  When we are young,  we often behave in negative ways that, hopefully, get corrected as we age -- we learn -- we get wiser.  Her sometimes "nutty" behavior, and her needy and bitchy attitude shows signs of deep insecurity, and that cannot be fixed by you.  It has to come from within, and she needs to realize that. You can carry on feeling responsible for her emotional weaknesses, but you will only end up doing double duty. She should continue to get counseling, you have to keep it up, as well, and you must look to the future and resist trying to freeze good moments in time in order to rationalize why you should not question the bigger picture.  Be open to listening to her, be an emotional support when it does not sap you of your honest feelings, and don't decide anything too drastic, right now.  Be honest and, above all, do not stay with her out of pity, nor let her hold you emotionally hostage.  It shows a weakness in you, and it does not help her gain the emotional strength she will need to insure a successful future.