Dear Miss Emily:

I'm 62 years of age- I'm a widow of three years.  I was married before, and I have gotten in touch with him in the last 2 years.  He told me that he was not married and was dating a girl for a long time, but now they are just friends and sometime he does not hear from her for a year. I went to see him, and we had a very good time, also he came to see me.. My husband left me very well-off.  My ex has no money -- is hardly  making it.  His old girlfriend went crazy when he called her to tell her that I got in touch with him.  He said he was so happy, but she went crazy and my nightmare started.  She has called me every name under the sun and caused a lot of problems. She broke his door in, was taking money out of his checking account, and he had her arrested.  She spent a lot of time in jail –  in and out..  He told me she is  sick, but he didn’t defend me and still is talking to her, going to the casinos and, when he doing  shows, she is traveling with him. He tells me that there is no sex involved and they are just good friends.  I do love him.  I just don’t know what to do anymore.  Please give me some advice

-------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------

This ex-girlfriend/friend has a hold on him that you don't  -- and that's a good thing!  I can't think of any better advice than to let him go, now, before you get more embroiled in something you do not deserve, nor have the emotional stamina to endure.  No doubt you are lonely after the death of your husband, it's only natural, but to reach back into the past for something that brings you this kind of trouble is self-destructive.  I know, there is probably much to like about him (except his dismal financial status, and choice of friends) but, objectively, what you have told me raises red flags so large they can be seen 1000 miles away.  Love is something you have to offer, but don't sell yourself short. There's someone out there for you, but this man isn't him, in my humble opinion.