Dear Miss Emily,

I am getting married to my best friend in a few months. We have been together 10 years and have 2 children. My problem is that I can't seem to shake my first love. I am totally in love with my soon to be husband and have a wonderful life. My relationship with my first love was usually one way. I loved him very much but all I ever was was an extra. I was always the girl he cheated on his girlfriend with. I fully understand that all I ever was to him was a sexual object and that's all I would ever be. Through the years with my current love, I would breakdown and call my first love. I'm talking every few years to say Hi and to catch up. In time, I forget all the bad he did to me and I only remember the good friendship we had. After I feel guilty and suppress it again for some time. The problem now is I am getting married and I want to be finished with that forever.  I love my fiance in a way I can't even put into words. I just need a way to always remember that the other person can only be bad for me and my life. I'm very sure I don't want him, and I don't want a relationship with him. Currently, I'm living a dream with my fiance. I just need a way to have strength if, in the future, I get a feeling of calling to check in, I guess. I think I might be having a problem accepting that I can never talk to him again, because I will always have feelings for him in a "hope he's doing well" kinda way.

----------------Miss Emily's advice------------

Perhaps there is an element missing with the man you are going to marry -- a certain element you had with "the guy who could never really be yours" that you simply can't forget. It might also be a void he left in you that he could never fill, and you can't accept.  You didn't tell me how he responds when you have spoken to him but, in the final analysis, it doesn't really matter.  If you are sincere about the commitment and love you have for your fiance, the father of your two children, and the "dream" life you say you have, that should be enough to keep your fingers away from the buttons on the phone.  But many people seem to have it all, yet let temptation ruin it.  There is no magic wand here.  You either decide if the man you are going to marry is worth your loyalty, or you continue down this path until, one day, you talk to this ex, because you couldn't resist finding out if he's doing well (to satisfy your curiosity), and pacify your need to let him know you're the great girl he let get away.  What if he wanted to start something up with you?  What then?