Dear Miss Emily:

I have been with my husband for almost 14yrs, and I recently found out that he has been thinking of cheating and, basically, did but was not able to perform(so he says). But since it has all come out in the open he has giving me an ultimatum: Either let him have sex with another person, or participate in a threesome. I have serious issues with this. I have always been curious about being with a woman but haven't felt the need to act on it.  I told him a few years ago I would be open to a threesome in the far future. I fell like he messed up the trust, has strong urges to cheat and now, somehow, I am the one responsible for saving our relationship. Please enlighten me.

------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------

Ultimatums are pretty lousy in any situation, but in a marriage it's outright ugly.     What if you do agree to a three-way, and it isn't for you -- do you have the right to opt out, in the future, without the fear of having your husband move to plan B: Cheating -- while you're home, alone, watching re-runs of Sex And The City?  Obviously, you are not responsible if your marriage is in jeopardy because you don't agree to sex outside of marriage.  Make your decision on what is right for you, and stick to it.  More than likely, he's going to end up cheating even if you agree to jump into bed with the receptionist at the local Gold's Gym. You may not be able to keep your Tomcat from straying, but you fetch a phone book and call a divorce attorney.  Food for thought.