Dear Miss Emily,

I am 18 years old, and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 14 months. We have been through a lot in our relationship, but have seemed to pull through all of these problems; including my being extremely closed with him, not sharing my problems and being very shy at the beginning of our relationship, as well as him exchanging revealing pictures with other people on the Internet, etc. I have given him many chances, as he has me. Now, it seems that all of this is behind us and we are happier than ever.  The problem? I have come across some evidence ie., conversations which I had stashed in my diary and left forgotten (from a year ago) of him debating on whether to leave me to try with another girl.  I have conversations of him talking with her, and asking to hangout (which I never thought of badly at the time), but now that I know he liked her, I am very confused. It seems that he had talked to her about it, and it makes me wonder if he only stayed with me because she rejected him.  Since one point in their conversation it said about her not wanting to fall for anyone, then. I want to confront him, but I don’t want to cause an argument over something that happened a year ago. However, it is driving me insane and I don’t know whether I can handle simply not telling him and pretending everything is fine. I want to be open with him, and be able to share my thoughts.. I love him to death, and I know he loves me, as well, but I don’t want my heart broken, again.  Help.

-------------------------Miss Emily’s advice------------------------

I don’t know how you managed to get these conversations and stash them in a diary, but it would have been better to have confronted this at the time it happened.  However, you didn’t, and now it’s yesterday’s news and not worth the effort to pursue it.  And this is why: You admit that both of you had issues you had to work through and have come out the other end intact.  Content it seems, and the hard work paid off.  If he had some doubts about the relationship, early on, you have stated some of the reasons why in your letter.  Sure, it’s not good form to be in what was a fairly committed relationship, back then, and do what he did, but I would consider all that was happening in your early relationship and embrace a “No one’s perfect” mantra.  Maybe this girl was worth taking a risk in letting you go, but she wasn’t interested and he stayed with you. If he didn’t think it was worth it, I’m sure he would have moved on long ago. You are young, learning as you go along, and he is entitled to the same journey.  To bring it up, now, would undue much of the trust you have gained in your mutual desire to get to the point of being (in your words) “happier than ever.”