Dear Miss Emily:

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. First couple of years went well but, now, I feel like we can barely talk to each other without getting into a fight. I feel like he is constantly judging me and making me feel bad about myself. I am Greek/Colombian and he is Venezuelan. So we already have issues because of our backgrounds. But my main problem is his treatment towards me and others. He can be very cocky, self-centered and just snobby. He reminds me of a mild case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder(NPD). I find my identity and self-esteem lost with him. But then he'll do some thing to turn it around and make me feel happy with him. I'm not sure what to do. I love him very much without a doubt. But I wonder sometimes if love is enough to overcome the disappointment and heartaches he causes more and more frequently because of his unawareness of how his actions affect my feelings. I try to explain my position and feelings but it seems like he doesn't understand me. Is there any hope for this relationship? Am I overreacting? Should I just save myself from any future heartaches and move on without him?  I have a couple of examples of his actions and words that have affected me deeply, but I do not want to further write anything else unless some one will answer me first.

-----------------Miss Emily's advice---------------

You need not give examples of his actions, because you have told me all I care to know.  You may love him, but you don't like him -- and he doesn't seem to like you.  Without assigning any psychological disorder to him, I believe you when you say he is behaving in ways that show a total disregard for your feelings, and others.  It no longer matters the root cause of his lack of understanding, and his arrogance, now it only depends on your ability to do something about it. To answer your questions:  No, there is little hope for a happy future with this man.  No, you are not overreacting.  And yes, you should move on without him.  This can only be done if you have the courage to face the truth, understand that it will take emotional strength not to be taken in by his ability to temporarily "shape-up," and a resolve to seek a better life without him.