Dear Miss Emily:

I need help really bad.  I have anger issues where if I get mad, I yell.  If I get really mad, I tend to hit. The anger has taken over my life. I am in the process of losing the man I love due to these issues, and I don't know what to do. He says it's too late, to just chill -- if we get together, we get together but, if we don't, he's gone in 30 days. He says I'm controlling and that I cause drama over everything. My first problem is that since he says we are just basically roommates, now, how do I sit here and look at him knowing that I love him and he doesn't love me anymore?  How do I prove that I'm sorry and I am willing to change. I don't want to lose him for good.. In a way, I need to be independent, but, at the same time, I have to show that I want to be with him, and I don't know how to do this. I have a 18 month daughter, also, and I feel bad for her because she's stuck in the middle of this. I really don't know what to do. Can you help me please?

------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------

Anger issues have many causes, and you need to locate the reasons why they exist. The Internet has many articles on anger management, and it might be worth your exploration if you haven't already researched it.  Beside the obvious root causes, such as problems stemming  from childhood experience, your anger is probably triggered by a sense of loss of control in your environment and the frustrations that are associated with it.  Now, sitting for 30 days, on trial, would be enough to raise anyone's level of frustration where he/she would more than likely be justified in getting angry (hitting is never acceptable).  In your case, now he's in control, and that's a recipe for failure. Change is difficult, as you know, because you would already have done it if it were easy. Your daughter comes first, and you should want to work on your anger for her sake.  As it stands, she's learning from you and it's your obligation to keep your anger in check by finding solutions to this problem.  If I were you, I'd tell your boyfriend you would prefer not to be in the hot-seat for the next thirty days, and see if you can find some immediate solution to avoid putting him in charge, and making you feel powerless. Right now, taking control of this one area would be a good thing!  Sorry, but there is no quick-fix to managing your anger, but if you realize that you need to find out why you are angry (probably through counseling), you will better your future, even if it's too late to save this relationship.  In time, you may realize that, although you needed to control your anger, you also want to be with a man who is more suitable to your personality and lifestyle.