Dear Miss Emily:

The moment I met my ex, I knew it was going to a relationship that would take time.  He had his heart broken by another girl, fours years previously. Short version of this part, I was the first one he made a commitment to since that relationship.  We had such an amazing time together. I was always understanding with him.  He took baby steps, but it made our relationship great! He started surprising me with all sorts of little adventures.  I have a list of things I want to do in my life, and he started to make those happen. We laughed, we played, we never had an awkward moment.  We had intelligent conversations and conversations about life and our future. He lost his job, and he turned to me to help him through it.  It devastated him.  He moved about 2 hours away were he found a job.  We continued to see each other, making trips back and forth.  He took me to his hometown to spend time with his family.  We talked about our future. His goal was to open up his own practice.  We would sit down and start talking about the steps that needed to be taken.  He told me throughout our relationship that I was the most amazing person he had ever met, and that I would make the perfect wife.  One weekend I was sick.  He was supposed to stay home and start working on his plans for his business.  Instead he went out, and ended up meeting a young, immature, wild girl.  And he told me about it the next day.  We took that week apart, and met that weekend.  He was confessing his never ending love for me.  He basically proposed marriage, and even asked his friends if they would be groomsmen.  He said we needed to move me closer to him and I agreed.  The next week, I started putting in resumes.  He did a 180.  He didn't want me to move there, and said there was something missing.  Wow, this broke my heart! I had never thought our relationship would end.  He was comfortable with me and I with him.  Come to find out not only did he start hanging out with this girl, she knows all about me.  My pictures are still up in his place, and he didn't even tell his brother we broke up.  He calls a few weeks later, and told me he didn't know why he would think about me in situations he shouldn't be thinking about.  He stalks my online profiles to see what I have been doing.  But he said he was confused.  He didn't know why he was doing this.  That he probably made the wrong decision, but we needed to be on a break.  I asked him about his business plans and he threw those out the window when he met this girl.  He also has changed the what he posts on his profiles.  He just seems not to want to grow up.  Is there any hope with us?  I love him with all my heart.  I told him that I think I understand his struggle and I have backed off.  Why all the sudden the break up if he was so ready to talk about marriage?  Why, now, the immature behavior?  Will he realize once he has gotten this out of his system what he did?  Does he think I will be right here waiting on him when he is finally ready to grow up?  He is 29.  I am so confused.  Any Advice for me would help me tremendously!! Thank you!

--------------Miss Emily's advice--------------

This guy has made a terrible mistake, in my opinion, because you are the most understanding and forgiving person he'll ever meet on his quest to find himself.  I'm sure you have probably thought, Damn, if I hadn't been sick that night, we would be two happy people heading down life's highway together, carefree.  My opinion?  I think this was an accident waiting to happen.  If not when it did, somewhere down the line, and maybe after you were married.  He is confused, but not enough to make a clear decision to cut things off with you, and continue to see this girl.  You have now seen a side of him that you cannot overlook.   Don't get me wrong, I understand he was honest about this girl from the start, but he as much told you this girl was able to instill instant amnesia regarding all the great times you shared together and the plans you were making.  He has every right to lead his life the way he chooses.  At 29, this would hardly be considered a mid-life crisis for him, after all.  But you have every right to feel jerked around and angry -- and perhaps you should express some anger his way.  Sure there's hope for you and him.  But if you ever let him back in your life, it would be wise to take the baby steps he took with you after he had his heart broken by the girl who came before.  That is, if you even bother to revisit this relationship.