Dear Miss Emily:
 
I met a guy about 4-5 mos ago. We started hanging out after talking for a while.  The first night we ended up staying up all night long just talking and talking about anything and everything.  Every time we hung out after that was the same way, hours of great, in depth conversation like I've never had with anybody.  He was separated when I met him, his wife had been moved out for 7 months, she went to rehab after he caught her cheating on him and was living somewhere else.  After about a month of us spending time, he let me know that she had been kicked out of the place she had been living and had come back to stay at his house for a while. Of course, I didn't know what to think, whether he was telling the truth or if they were getting back together, so I just tried to move on and decided we could maybe be friends.  I told him that maybe they should give it another shot since he had confided in me that maybe he had never given it 100% before, and told him that even if it didn't work out at least he would feel better knowing he tried.  Well she is drinking again, he doesn't want to be with her.  He and I have still been talking pretty regularly, he has talked to a lawyer, and is trying to figure out how to get her out of the house.  His dad is a preacher, and told him he couldn't just kick her out on the streets.  I am so hung up on the guy that its ridiculous.  I don't ever get this way about guys. I know what I deserve and if they can't offer that, I'm quick to move on.  It hasn't been that way with him though. I think about him everyday, and I miss our forever long conversations.  I've been settling for little conversations and occasional sex when we can arrange it, which is not something I would normally do especially with her still living at the house.  But they were separated for a long time before this happened, she sleeps in a different room, and she should be moving out soon and he'll be filing for divorce.  I know this sounds like a typical  "I'm dating a married guy" situation, but he truly is different than anybody I've ever met.  I do not believe that he is lying and neither do my friends.  He said that when she first moved back in, he thought, "Okay, we'll see what happens." but since he discovered that she is drinking again, there is absolutely no chance.  The last conversation that he and I had before she moved back in involved him telling me how much he was enjoying our time together, our conversations, the sex, everything, and he wasn't sure if I felt the same way.  I of course, obviously, do. I don't think that bringing that up now, or saying anything about it now would help his situation at all and so I haven't mentioned it.  I've just been trying to be a friend, someone he can talk to, hoping that when this whole situation is over, we can pick up where we left off.  I don't know what to do.  I don't want to just wait around for him, but I also don't want to be with anybody else.  I've tried several times to just forget about the situation and move on, but it hasn't worked.  I know that I've made this entirely too long, but I really need some advice and I didn't want this to sound like the typical "married guy" thing.  Thank you.

---------------Miss Emily's advice-------------

You are caught between a rock and a hard place.  Sticking with it causes anxiety, and trying to cut him out of your life and moving on is next to impossible.  My heart goes out to him, but he needs to wrap this up, make a decision on what he is going to do, file for divorce and end this limbo state before he can offer anything to you. You don't have to move on, but the best advice I can give you is to be realistic about where you are with him, right now, and don't get too involved with his problems.  Because if you become his "go-to girl" to vent his ongoing saga, without making much headway, you're going to feel pretty cheated down the line if his wife revisits rehab, needs his support, again, and ends up back in his life. You'd be left with a broken heart and feeling victimized. You have complete control of your life, whether you realize it or not.  Use your intelligence to keep this in check before you find yourself knee-deep in his world, where you end up feeling powerless. You've actually handled this pretty well so far, and it's best to not entertain the idea of hope as a plan.